Brian Engblom's Rocking Hair

The ageless coif of hair

I'm always amazed at how...awesome Brian Engblom's hair is. It looks so terrible, but it's looked this way for so long. Is it a wig or is it actually real? I saw that he had a wedding ring on; does his wife REALLY approve of him leaving the house like this? Or is it just because this is the epitome of Brian Engblom? I guess... he would look even weirder with a different haircut. It would take a bomb stylist to change his hair to match the present year (2008, not 1987), but I think he'd still be judged. It appears that he's in a Catch-22. Thoughts?

(x-posted to A Queen Among Kings)

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We're Talkin' 'Bout Practice - Emery Late Again

^{Picture from Affliction Clothing}

Emery showed up four minutes after the team took the ice for a 4pm skate at the Farmingdale Iceworks practice facility in Long Island on Monday as the team prepares to face the Islanders Tuesday. He was then told not to join the team on the ice for practice.

"I decided we wouldn't go on the ice until 4pm and when he wasn't here, it was done with until I talk to him and talk to (Senators general manager) Bryan (Murray) or we both talk to Ray," Paddock said after practice.

Sources tell TSN that Emery maintains he was late because he thought the practice was at the Nassau Coliseum, not the Islanders' practice facility. --TSN.ca

Ray, listen...sit down for a second will you?

Now, I'm actually quite sympathetic to your plight because I too am not a morning person. Maybe you're just not quite used to having to you know, be on time for things but if I've learned anything in my years as a professional student, it's how to get up early enough so that I'll be on time for things. Allow me, if I may to impart some unsolicited advice so that you can stop screwing your team over.

1. Set All Your Clocks 10 Minutes Ahead - Keep in mind though this will only be effective if you remember that they're not set ahead. Maybe have one of your teammates do it while you're out of the house and not tell you when. This way you'll think you're late when you're really actually early! That'll get you back into Paddock's good books.
2. Set Your ALARM an HOUR Ahead - There's no greater feeling than waking up and realizing you still have more time to sleep. If you set your hour way earlier than you actually need it to be, you'll be reminded that you need to wake up and with your constant need to hit the snooze button, it'll be like you're awake already!
3. Make a Packed Lunch the Night Before - Nothing takes up more time than having to worry about breakfast and lunch for the day. Why not go back to those high school days of yore when your mother so lovingly packed you a snack and a sandwich in those good ol' Thermos bags? They're environmentally friendly as well!
4. Have Somebody Call You When You Need to Wake Up - Our school has this nasty bit of business of having exams start at 9 a.m. Some of my friends, who worry about not being able to wake up in time, have people who they know are early risers give them a call at the appropriate time. What about Dean McAmmond? He's got a brood of kids, I'm sure he's up at all hours.
   
5. Car Pool - Look, with your driving track record I'm not so sure this isn't a bad idea. Back to the whole 'environmentally business', given your vehicles of choice I'm sure car pooling will earn you back some brownie points from good ol' Mother Nature there. She is one broad you do not want to piss off.
   

Please realize I'm doing this to try to help you Ray. I quite like you. I mean your shenanigans are kind of funny when they're not upsetting the team, but this crap has got to stop. You're making $9.5 million! You have 11 watches! Surely ONE of them has the right time on it.

Programming Note!
If you're in the Ottawa region or like listening to the Team 1200, blogger Mike Chen will be on later tonight at around 11 p.m. - 12 a.m. doing an interview with the guys. You can also live-stream it from their website if you can't get it on your dial.

^{Cross-Posted to Scarlett Ice}

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Quick Story

I normally don't like telling ultra personal stories but I really have to share this one that I think most female hockey fans will enjoy:

Tonight my fiance (P) and I were driving in the car and a 'Real Men of Genius' ad came on the radio, the "Mr. Scoreboard Marriage Proposal Guy". After it was over P said, "You know...instead of paying for a wedding we could go to a Justice of the Peace and use the money to buy Kings season tickets for the next 5 years." There was complete silence for about 5 seconds as I sat there comprehending the most amazing idea that has ever come out of his mouth. I finally sputtered out, "Well, um, yeah!!!" Of course, he said, "Sweetie, I was just kidding!" But then I reminded him, "Um, no you're not. That's a brilliant idea!" And then we dreamed for the next ten minutes trying to figure out where we would get season tickets and for how many seasons instead of paying for a decent-sized, fairly nice wedding.

Then he came up with the second most brilliant idea which was, "How about instead of a formal gift registry we tell a bunch of people that they can chip in and buy us season tickets for our wedding gift." OMG! I almost drove off the bridge we were on because I seriously didn't think life would ever be able to get any better than it had in the past 15 minutes. Considering he had only been to one hockey game before we started dating, he has come a loooooooong way. I'm so proud...and thankful that he encourages my (sometimes unhealthy) obsession with the LA Kings.

(x-posted to Purple Crushed Velvet)

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They Love Us! They Really Do Love Us!

It looks like our humble little piece of the hockey blog-o-sphere has received the Deadspin treatment once again (this time with more favourable reviews?). In any case, for any frat boys who came here expecting more of the same from the page that actually brought you here, sorry to disappoint. (We are still waiting on our invitations to be guest editors, by the way).

Last time we were featured, we allegedly set the women's movement back 30 years. In a year's time, we've managed to reform our ways and become a 'militant feminist organization'. Now that's progress.

Regardless of what we are, we always have a fridge stocked full of beer and enough seating to accompany everybody, so grab a drink and enjoy. You've come to us at a special time as we're closing in on 1000 posts here at HLOG. To celebrate, everybody who comments on our 1000th post will be given one free glass of vanilla champagne from the grocery store and two, no three complimentary pieces of cheese (your choice of marble or Gouda!).

(For real though, stay tuned for special HLOG news in the next coming weeks. As if you'd be anywhere else.)

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Is That a Pre-Requisite Now?

^{(Darren Calabrese, Sun)}

Well, I guess I'm off to find out who else in the NHL is from Mississauga now.

So we've learned that the players will probably not pay attention to your signs, but you'll probably get into the paper.



That's better.

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SNORT!

Because, really, doesn't everyone need a little socialized ass kicking?


(joke's in the bottom panel)

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Alright Ladies, It's Offseason

...And I'm bored (and the Coyotes are boring... actually the whole NHL is boring at the moment) so I'm going to have some fun. Join me or perish!! Ok, if you want to be a fun-sucker, that's okay too, but I swear we'll all point and laugh as soon as you leave the room.

Yes, it's a tidbit like the survey you do when you join, but a little more in depth and it allows me to waste a little time and that's never bad.

What’s your favorite team? - The Phoenix Coyotes, no contest.

What’s you least favorite team? – Very difficult to say... Ducks (since they always tend to beat my ass)... well, let's just say any team that's not my own, that makes it easier.

**********

Who’s your favorite player? Zigomanis. I'm not 100% sure at this point why but I have some kind of undying faith in the boy and you can't talk me out of it (so don't try, I have a short temper).

Who’s your least favorite player? Sean Avery. Just seeing his face or hearing his name makes my blood boil. Grr.

**********

Favorite American team? - Phoenix Coyotes.

Favorite Canadian team? – Well, I love (to hate) the Flames so that's about as close as I can get on this one.

Favorite International team? – CZR, they were pretty badass in the World Cup this year.

**********

Who’s your favorite goalie? Vesa. I LOVE Vesa.

Least favorite goalie? – Anyone who has ever beaten the Coyotes (so then everyone...) Ok, I really dislike Turco, something about him bugs the hell out of me.

**********

Favorite fighter? – I must be loyal. Nick Boynton. So long as he keeps the porn 'stache shaved off, he and I have NO problems at all.

Least favorite fighter?- As a fighter? Laraque. (I know some ladies that will kick me for saying it.) While he was here, when we could get him to fight he was bad ass but that was rarely. I get that my boy wanted to be more of a scoring threat but he's a beast... do SOMETHING baby.

**********

Favorite jersey/uniform/outfit/sweater? Coyotes. I don't care who you are, our logo is awesome.

Least favorite jersey/uniform/outfit/sweater? – Rangers. They're boring.

Do you like home, away, or "third" jerseys best? – Home

**********

Who do you want to win the Cup? – Coyotes... but really, who is going to answer with a team BESIDES their own? Other than us, I'd like to see the Pens win (to stop Sidney Crosby from pouting, he breaks my heart) or the Sharks.

What player do you most admire? – Doan. He's amazing. He has honor and integrity and all those noble qualities that people love but no one really has anymore.

Which player would you most like to sit and have coffee with? – Roenick! He could spill all kinds of dirty little secrets!

What about a beer? – That one's actually really tough. There are a lot of them that I would like to get drunk. Get drunk WITH, I meant. Sheesh.

How about just watch the game with? – Hmmm... probably Joe Thornton, at the least he could make me a mean piece of toast.

Have an in-depth hockey conversation with? – Someone who's been around since the dinosaur age, because they would know everything! Chelios! No... Jagr! I'm just kidding! I really don't know. :P

**********

Do you collect hockey cards, memorabilia, etc? – Just random things I pick up at games (or that my obsession leads me to buy). I'm not huge on hockey cards though.

If so, what’s your favorite card? – Nagy.

Which is worth the most, and what’s it worth? – No idea. I never pay for them... I just end up with them.

**********

Do you live by any hockey players? What are they like? – I'm sure they're around somewhere but you couldn't prove it by me. No really. I swear I don't sit outside their houses looking in their windows... who told you that?

Do you play hockey? – I played street hockey when I was little... does that count?

What do you wear to hockey games? – Jeans! I get beer spilled on me a lot so I make sure that I wear the junky pairs. Haha. I always end up next to the drunks. I pair those with a jersey or Yotes t-shirt (still waiting to pair them with a HLOG shirt...), depending on the mood.

Do you have any "watching hockey rituals" or anything anyone might consider weird? – You guys know me... I AM weird. I have a few things that I refuse to ever admit to anyone who doesn't already know. :P

**********

What’s your favorite hockey memory (as a fan?) – Honestly? I have a lot, I could name the Coyotes Game Night as a major point for me, getting to meet all the guys and interact with them on a bit more personal level was awesome. Also (and yes, I'm a huge fangirl) getting to meet and talk to Nagy was good times too. Meeting Ziggy (my personal fav) was awesome but the Nagy one means more right now because he's not here and I see Ziggy all the time.

What’s your favorite hockey commercial? – I love, LOVE, the Road Trip commercial. It never fails to make me crack a smile.

Rudest/meanest/most annoying, etc? Avery – hands down!

Who’s the best looking? They’re all good looking... in their own way. Some more than others, of course.

**********

Other off-handed/off-ice comments? – Hockey (in general) has the best guys ever. They're more laid-back and more into getting involved in things (other than drama) than, say, football players or something.

Why do you really like hockey? – Game of heart and mind. Takes guts, talent and determination to succeed. They really lay it all out on the line every time they step on the ice. Speed, grace, poetry in motion, grit, brutality and team work…what’s not to like?

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Since we're talking fashion lately...

So we've mostly all agreed that those pink jerseys are pretty awful. Thanks to my old friends at The Pensblog, I've discovered that obviously, the NHL has indeed heard our pleas. They've realized that we want to look like hockey fans, not the unfortunate girlfriends of hockey fans being dragged to games and subjected, with our perfectly coiffed bleached hair and manicured nails, to a cold arena full of screaming fans (unless you live in Chicago), because they're getting right on remedying this situation by offering, for the paltry sum of $39.99, the following:

Yes. Those are butterflies.
BUTTERFLIES.

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HLOG mega offseason series: Singles Profiles with Jordi starring Steph

The HLOG headquarters have been trying to get up to date with all that has happened. After their recent audit and assassination attempts, everything has been righted. We’ve completed an all nighter, many extra strong cappuccinos and a little sexy dance by Vincent Lecavalier. So here we are slowly developing provocative new ideas for the summer season of HLOG (or in Jordi land “where it’s so cold her legs may fall off”).

Many producers have attempted to woo us with bouquets of flowers and sonnets so we could star in their new series. But you know it seemed too much of selling out for us. So we were almost close to agreeing to the NHL Next Top Model judging panel (because we know hockey… men), but then Steph our Red Wings rep suddenly snuck into the office at 7AM muttering about eBay and an Ales Hemsky poster and she was yanked from her desk so we could get her to help out in the festivities.

So apparently us HLOG ladies are fabulous, no, more than fabulous. We’re beautiful, glamorous and more than everything else, we’re not any smarter than any of our male readers. That’s how it works right? Wait, what sport do we talk about again?

Steph was completely uncomfortable in the HLOG quickpitch room (“Omg Jordi I will never speak to you again”). Yeah there was only one comfy velour chair that I occupied so she had to sit on a wooden stool. We were looking through our mail bag and was explaining that a loyal reader “Mike” wanted to see Steph with more cleavage, shorter skirts, and more importantly, a singles style profile which can help him understand how it would be like to send an e-gift or e-hug to Steph.

And that was how the HLOG “singles” profile started. (Shaddup I know it didn’t work that way; we both sat in velour chairs and sipped cocktails)

Stephanie Yates was born in July 8th 1986 (which makes her the star sign before a Leo but after a Gemini – what is it again?), in the beautiful polluted city of Detroit. Her biggest selling point is that she loves the Oilers. Her second biggest selling point is that she loves the Red Wings. She’s a creative writing major and she as well enjoys selective long walks on the beach (“IT DEPENDS ON WHO WITH [pause for nudge and wink] RIGHT?”). Despite the musty un-exotic total shithole that is Detroit (sorry), she loves the city very much.

Things that she did not say included her best features, it does leave a certain air of mystique around Stephanie. Just because she likes Czechs isn’t a bad thing (especially if “Mike” were a Canadian loving Euro hater), she could whisper exotic phrases into your ear while drinking a good pint of beer so foreign you can’t pronounce it. But these are the things she did say.

Any interest in exotic locations?
“Obviously I summer in Prague so I can stalk (Er, uh, befriend!)... You know what, I think I'm incriminating myself”

What’s your ideal romantic night?
“One night... Hmm Dinner! Good dinner at some tasty ethnic place. We can go to my favorite sushi place! And then uh, well Ales (Uh, uh, I mean, MY DATE) is probably bored of hockey; maybe we could go to a baseball game! But this is Detroit we're talking about, so we have to get out of there early enough to prevent getting mugged or something.”

“IT ENDS WITH A WALK ON THE UH, BEACH. NEVERMIND THAT WE DON'T REALLY HAVE THOSE HERE I'LL MAKE ONE”

Would the dinner be expensive? Swanky or cosy?
“More cosy, possibly because I’m cheap but shh don’t say that.”

So what’s that one special thing you’ll do to seal the romantic night?
Answer #1 (the more romantic one): “I'll uh, splurge for one of those stupid $12.50 "five dollar" pizzas. And feed it to my date during the intermissions.”
Answer #2 (the wrong one): “Dude I don't know. These had better be some crappy teams playing or I'm going to spend the whole date squeeing over people on the ice.”

“If we lose I’ll console him afterward. And then I’ll be cold so he’ll give me his jersey”

And then since it’s probably winter night, would you snuggle in front of a fire?
“Of course! At his place since it would probably burn my apartment down.”

“Well obviously we'd be talking about the game, right? And like, arguing over something that happened, you know, and then just as it was getting really heated he'd lean in for the kiss to shut me up and the rest is history. Right? Right?!”

What’s your date outfit?
“Well if I'm going to a game I'm wearing pants. But with a nice shirt! Red, so it can still be Wings colors, but look nice for dinner, too.”

Any brands you enjoy wearing?
“Umm... Crap I don't even buy specific brands I just buy whatever's cheap and obnoxiously colored! Uhh. I do get underwear from Victoria's Secret though! Only when it's on sale! But half of my clothes are from thrift stores!”

“Omg there's this story called Polly & Esther's in town here and it's like, this store where they take random clothes and things from thrift stores and do all kinds of cute things with them. And I like Urban Outfitter's but only when I have a gift certificate, damn that place is painfully expensive”

(Polly & Esther’s and UO now owe us $50 for our kind plug)

What is your non-hockey celebrity crush?
“Counting bands? Because if I don't you know, kidnap Hemsky and elope to Vegas or something I would settle for Matt Skiba.”

Describe your perfect man, with NHL parallels.
“How about... Curls like Ales (wait I need an adjective... Lush curls?), a young, pretty face like Val Filppula... Can I make a tasteless joke about sucking like Conklin? No? Uhhh... Crap whose’ body? Eyes like Lupul? Maybe not, they might infect the rest of him with Useless.”

Lastly and most importantly, the romantic song you’d want to hear.
“OKAY. If we're going with classic romantic songs, then Frankie Valli and Can't Take My Eyes Off of You. And if we're going with something modern, Alkaline Trio's Every Thug Needs a Lady (WTF that sounds the opposite of romantic)”

After Steph was freed, she got her Hemsky poster and her inbox full of e-vites and e-winks by eligible young hockey loving men. Will she meet an Avs fan that will change her mind? Or will it be a Flames fan that understands how to be a loser. Maybe she’ll meet her long lost Czech loving, closet Toronto loving man who makes her feel comfortable with herself.

Most importantly, she left the interview saying, “I'm going to look like a big huge idiot. Which is not much different from normal”. Though everyone knows that Steph is really just a lost soul who needs a nice Avs fan to teach her the niceties of different fans and maybe be a kind of star-crossed lovers thing. Then we’ll get our Renaissance costumes out and get our wedding ready.

If you’d like to meet Steph and more, the HLOG romance department will help fix you up with an interview. But be careful, the waiting list is long.

Nonetheless Jordi will eventually be taking any willing members to do their own profiles. Many will be roped up against their will into it. However if you’ve got any enquiries or would like to be next up, feel free to email me at gunstress@gmail.com.

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Knob Hockey Solves All Problems

For those who read my Scarlett Ice game diary, you'll know that I'm actually quite calm about the Senators' loss last night. The only thing driving my nuts is the day in between that I have to wait until I can see my boys play again.

In the meantime, entertain yourself with some new clips from Knob-hockey!

Alfie Makes a Phone Call

Lord Stanley, Line 2


See? Pronger hates Canada!


Don't You Quack At Me!

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Choose Your Own Media Subplot Adventure!

The Ottawa Senators will have a minimum of 9 days off before the Stanley Cup Finals start. In the meantime, they await patiently at home, practicing their dance moves so as to stay sharp for whomever their dance partner will be. Will it be the Red Wings? Older, more experienced, so much wisdom to impart but may have to be home before Golden Girls reruns start? Or will it be the Ducks; young, energetic, full of youthful enthusiasm but let's face it, could probably beat you up if you looked at them the wrong way.

Whomever the Senators draw, it should be an interesting battle. Frankly, most people had doubts that the Red Wins' geriatric legs could get them past the Flames, let alone the high-flying [swimming?] Sharks. Now they're giving the Ducks a run for their money, and many believe that the Ducks have not been playing up to the level that their capable of. We can all sit here and run the numbers, and handicap the series player-by-player, position-by-position, as I am often prone to do. But what about the other side of the series? As we all know, hockey is a tough sell due to the general political correctness and the Melba Toast blandness of the characters involved. Therefore, every insignificant back-story and subplot must be taken into consideration when deciding which team would make for a more compelling final.

I have the displeasure of choosing between two teams that I dislike greatly. Were it up to me, I would have preferred the building spontaneously combust due to having to stuff the collective egos of Chris Chelios, Dominik Hasek and Chris Pronger all into one building. Frankly, I'm surprised the gates of Purgatory haven't opened up and swallowed them already due to the amount of evil that is present at the same time.

In any case one will arrive at the dance, and one piece of tantalizing tabloid fodder must be selected:

Detroit Red Wings
Hasek was signed by the Ottawa Senators in 2004 to a one-year deal and played exceptionally well before the paper clips and paper mache that was holding his groin together gave in while playing at the Winter Olympics. Rumours swirled during the conclusion of the season that Hasek would be out for the rest of the year, a story denied by both the Senators front office and by Hasek himself. While the Senators were down 3-1 to the Buffalo Sabres in Round 2 of the 2006 playoffs, the team had a meeting with Hasek to ask him to play. In typical Hasek fashion, he pulled the chute on the team and was let go in the off-season by John Muckler.

Now, armed with a deal with some sort of dark force and a new groin made out of Adamantium alloy, he has helped Detroit make it to the Western Conference Finals. That must have been a very nice off-season for him.

Anaheim Ducks
Back when the Ducks were still of the "Mighty" variety, Bryan Murray lead the Ducks to the Stanley Cup Finals in 2003. In 2004, he elected to step down to his current position as the head coach of the Ottawa Senators in order to be closer to his mother and father, who had been in poor health.

As far as I know, the split was pretty amicable. Were it not for Murray's decision to step down, Brian Burke would never have become the Ducks' GM, and we would never be able to have the privilege to see that happy-go-lucky smile that he always has on.

Andy McDonald will help you choose, while making sure your Thanksgiving meals are without any form of life-threatening disease:

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A Very Special Mother's Day Top Ten List From Margee

Mother's Day is a glorious holiday that knows no creed. Everyone has a mom. Except for MacDuff, of course. Hockey players have moms, too. She's the one who took them to all those practices when they were kids, fed them nutritious pre-game meals, and is regularly denied access to those fun father-son road trips once they make the NHL. But some moms receive the proper appreciation they deserve from their pro sons. In honor of this lovely holiday, I give all the moms out there a gift. Here is my top ten list of the NHL's Greatest Mama's Boys.

10. Jaromir Jagr
Mama Jagr taught him how to apply rouge, the wonders of proper mullet-care, and, ever the revolutionary, how to stick it to the big boys down in DC. Jagr has said that should he ever settle down, his lady must be Czech. Just like mom.

9. Darcy Tucker
Darcy Tucker's mom loves him so much, that she gave him her name. That's the kind of bond that lasts for life, you guys.

8. Ray Emery
That kind of awesome fashion sense had to come from somewhere. Unless young Ray was babysat by Mr. and Mrs. Roper, I sense his mom had a lot to do with cultivating his sense of steelay. The powder blue suit/paisley blouse combo he sported at one Sens press conference is totally the outfit my mom wore to my Confirmation. I swear.

7. Keith Tkachuk
We should really stop making jokes about Tkachuk being a fattie. Haha, sure. Anyway, it's apparent that the junior Tkachuk certainly enjoyed mom's home cooking. And it's apparent that he still does.

6. Derek Boogaard
How does one hone one's fighting skills in this benevolent day and age? I have a sneaking suspicion that the Boogeyman heard a lot of mama jokes in his time, and being the good son he is, he defended Mrs Boogey's honor countless times, turning his meaty fists into weapons of death.

5. Pavel Datsyuk
Nothing clever here. Just looks like he knows the best part of his mama's apron to hide behind.

4. Joe Sakic
Regarded as the best captain in the game, we know that his nurturing, supportive nature must have been a quality he learned at the elbow of Mama Sakic. Plus, I bet they get Botox shots together, because, dude don't age.

3. Derek Roy
Wasn't it Derek Roy who placed a delicate kiss on the cheek of his Captain Daniel Briere after scoring a goal in last year's playoffs? That unabashed affection is the mark of a loving, cuddly connection to mom.

2. Marc-Andre Bergeron
See #5.

1. Mike Modano
This guy loves his mom so much that he's maintained an exact replica of her haircut and highlights on his lid for the better part of 20 years. All children are dwarfed by this man's devotion.

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Was that a ukelele there? Mandolin?

So everyone who knows me knows that I stand firm in Buffalo's only saving grace being Ty Conklin, and also that I've even (for the time being...) ceased disliking Dominik Hasek because he's been doing so damn well for us, and I'm not about to knock a good thing.

But I'm willing to amend both of these things for the moment because while Haseoke ceaselessly amused me the first time around, it's even better now.

Thank you WGR550 for your neverending stream of excellence.

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"... Sweet lord. Goalies are not supposed to be built like that."

There are many times where Jordi exercises her emergency admin power. This is one of them. Because all you women are forgetting about our players who grow old each year and have a birthday and BANANA COCONUT CREAM PIE.

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Melbourne obliterates Capital

(The 2006 team photo. I know I couldn't find a more recent action photo - well there is one at the website but it's not the game I saw and I was going to take a picture but I got lazy)

Well not Capital as in the Washington Capitals, but as in the national capital of Australia... Canberra! (If you thought it was Sydney you might want to reconsider, just sayin'). Nonetheless Jordi is just a little jumpy (and I know I haven't write my Flames crushfest so justshutupshutup) because recently she finally attended a local team Melbourne Ice game that's only about 15 minutes from her home but she doesn't own a car so she never cared to show up - it's only reachable by bus or that so she was like "flip this all for a game of hockey". I was pressed for a short Journalism assignment (where you learn the dangers of leaving it till the last minute) that needed an interview so I dropped an email to the website and huzzah, I got my date, time, and interview.

I know you're free to skip this and you'd rather talk about playoffs but sheesh, I just wanted to share a bit of what hockey's like down under in the land of kangaroos and Eric Bana. I got to speak with the assistant manager and hockey mum, Val Webster whose son Lliam was the Assistant Captain and had played hockey in Finland for Vaasa Sport (yes that's an actual team) and she was very cool about it. The team itself boasts a goalie who plays for the national team (Stu Denman) and has a very good season record, having led the Aussie league last season and is currently unbeaten for 4 whole games (they did not win the finals, however). Additionally it's a self supported team which only lives off ticket sales and what it can get - so it is a bit of a bummer when she has the shell out the cost for the flights and accomodation for away games (yep, they fly - neat ain't it?).

Thoughts? Well I want to keep it short before I explode in a colourful display of how interesting it was and like, it was, cool, really, you know. But I know I won't anyway.

• Fuck me if this was not the worst rink in the entire world. I can safely say this though to be fair it's a leisure rink and not made for ice sports like hockey. There's no glass, just netting and it's ridiculously easy to get hurt. The place itself looks like it could collapse - forget Edmonton, this place seriously needs a new rink. The ice is decent, and by decent I mean it's skatable for a bunch of kids. There was a new rink planned but they've never set a real date for it and after seeing it firsthand (like Angelina Jolie and starving African children), the new rink must be built lest anything bad happens. A hard hit can easily flip the player over the boards and luckily the teams aren't 200cm gladiators or else there will be no one skating on the ice anymore. Val had been telling me about the meagre ice rinks in Europe in teeny towns, but for a large city it's a bit sad that we have to consider ourselves lucky to have better ice in Melbourne than a tiny town.
  
• There's something beautiful in watching an amateur league game. I mean it's ridiculously clumsy and there aren't any clean passes just a lot of banging and "OI!". There are some great players, though hitting hard has a different meaning in the land of crappy boards. The teams overall are very undisciplined team. And I don't mean this as in cheapshots because no one does that here since no one gets paid so why would you bother? However their feathers do get ruffled very easily and they do a little bit of face washing. Goalie running never happens because if it did, everyone would crack the shits and slap each other silly.
  
• Great atmosphere in that sense, everyone goes "Ooooh!" or "Aaaah?" depending on whether people got hurt. A lot of diving goes on in this game, they just lie there till the play stops and then they hop over the other side of the ice to pop in and say hello to their family watching.
• The final score was 4-1 to the Ice, the Canberra team weren't a particularly stellar team and failed to keep the puck effectively in the opposing area. Their goaltender was fairly good, doing a highlight reel save at one point - which is awesome really, it's things like this that make you glad that you made the trip. The Ice didn't backcheck very well but they had a great goaltender which did some nice things aka save their ass every now and then. However the Ice had more opportunities and probably about 3 breakaways. They as well at some points hovered on a trap like tactic that seemed like they were just watching the recent Ottawa vs New Jersey game. The best goal was the 3rd one which was a beautiful tape to tape one that is absolutely highlight material.
• The team employs some import players who mainly come over for a holiday and some games - Val pointed out their Russian player Slava Kovshov who had hopped on the net and found the team. Additionally he spoke little to no English which was compensated by his girlfriend who did speak English. His play was rather good, I was quite impressed by what I saw and to see him take on a huge hit and continue like a trooper. The team is allowed 7 players on the roster and only 5 per game. This meant two surly kids were sitting watching. The other people scratched was one guy and Lliam who was coming off a jaw fracture and had surgery. He didn't have a mighty battlescar though and was to be out 6 weeks.
• The game is mostly click clack scuffle stuff, however it got faster and more desperate in the third period when the score was only 2-1. The Canberra team was slowly gaining the upper hand over Melbourne in order to get a tie, however another goal by Melbourne (the beautiful one) seemed to fix all that.
• The fans in the stands were aplenty. I seemed to spot a lot of expats, couples and whatnot. Val told me a lot of the interest was from expats who had travelled over to Australia for business or future. Many of the players were of that sort including the captain who is a teacher and wanted to continue playing hockey on the side. There was even a Leafs fan in a Sundin jersey which only goes to show that they really do get everywhere. Additionally, there was a bored little daughter who looked like she'd rather be anywhere else but the game which well, you know.

I think that wraps it up for Jordi's random world of silliness, currently she is getting her laptop replaced but will sneak online as soon as possible.

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Anything makes a weapon!

(disclaimer: Everyone's opinions are great, valid and probably better thought out than mine. This is purely an attempt to be humourous and later we can all go out for milkshake okay?)

Thanks James Thurber - you were so ahead of your time.

So it seems that we should shouldn't would've could've done a lot of things. Hockey is such a dangerous sport isn't it? How can we keep it family friendly? And how can we avoid cheap thuggery/unfortunate accidents/"I just went to the toilet and when I came back he was lying there I swear"?

First the equipment is flimsy. I mean why was the helmet wasn't put on right? Why do players play without visors? I suggest we throw out the new NHL "slimming" jerseys and we wrap the guys in bubblewrap. I work at a post office, I know. You want something secure? Head to toe in bubblewrap. Maybe add some airbags around the delicates to keep it cushioned. They're a breeze to play in! And when it comes to fighting, just think of all those bubbles you can pop.

Foam sticks are a necessity. This incident has clearly shown that those wooden sticks have to go. Not to mention it'll be a joy to be creative with and cross ice passes will never be the same again. Besides, if living in a prison has taught you anything (a pre-requisite if you ever want to be a HLOG-ger), soap and a sock can make an easy weapon. Anything's a weapon nowadays. Why endanger your players to weapons like those dangerous sticks!?

And what about those skates? They're a disgrace in terms of safety, what they need is a nice pair of thick explorer socks. It'll stop them from spraying ice in the goalie's face - not that it'd matter since he'd be bubblewraped like heaven.

And the puck should just be a rubber duck. It rhymes see?

Now before you all go out and start being mean to Chris Simon, think of what the NHL has done for THEM. They gave them weapons to be killers, why would you do that to a poor NHL confused child player?

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Future HLOGger? (Part II)

Our newest addition to the Canucks foray attempts to woo me many times to go for the Canucks because my Oily love can't make the cut.

But this is freaking amazing. It's a pity she's a Canucks fan but she's an angel.

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SIGH

From the Battle of Ontario. Meet Reason #2,305 why Rogers is really reaching these days:

We have a lot of work to do, ladies. This at least makes me feel better that if I really tried, I too, can be a Sportscaster. At least Rogers did the right thing and disqualified her.

Have at it, ladies

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A few days behind...

...but better late than never. Poor guy walking away...I actually feel for him.
If hockey themed comics float your boat, more can be found here(the CBC website).

Hopefully I'm not violating any copyright issues here.

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Creative Challenge, Jan. 29 - Feb. 11: Theme Park

Okay, it's been a while since we've had a truly silly creative challenge. Imagine: The NHL comes to you for help - they are giving you an unlimited budget to create a hockey-adventure theme park. Yes, a theme park. They are hoping that fans will go crazy with the chance to go on rides and spend money on popcorn balls in the shape of hockey sticks and want you to design it. Where would your park be? Would it have different areas like Northwest Division Land or It's a Small League After All? What kinds of rides and attractions would there be? Have fun with it, be crazy! If you are handy with such things as Photoshop, give us pictures.

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