Monday, January 28, 2008

We're Talkin' 'Bout Practice - Emery Late Again

Picture from Affliction Clothing

Emery showed up four minutes after the team took the ice for a 4pm skate at the Farmingdale Iceworks practice facility in Long Island on Monday as the team prepares to face the Islanders Tuesday. He was then told not to join the team on the ice for practice.

"I decided we wouldn't go on the ice until 4pm and when he wasn't here, it was done with until I talk to him and talk to (Senators general manager) Bryan (Murray) or we both talk to Ray," Paddock said after practice.

Sources tell TSN that Emery maintains he was late because he thought the practice was at the Nassau Coliseum, not the Islanders' practice facility.

Ray, listen...sit down for a second will you?

Now, I'm actually quite sympathetic to your plight because I too am not a morning person. Maybe you're just not quite used to having to you know, be on time for things but if I've learned anything in my years as a professional student, it's how to get up early enough so that I'll be on time for things. Allow me, if I may to impart some unsolicited advice so that you can stop screwing your team over.
  1. Set All Your Clocks 10 Minutes Ahead - Keep in mind though this will only be effective if you remember that they're not set ahead. Maybe have one of your teammates do it while you're out of the house and not tell you when. This way you'll think you're late when you're really actually early! That'll get you back into Paddock's good books.
  2. Set Your ALARM an HOUR Ahead - There's no greater feeling than waking up and realizing you still have more time to sleep. If you set your hour way earlier than you actually need it to be, you'll be reminded that you need to wake up and with your constant need to hit the snooze button, it'll be like you're awake already!
  3. Make a Packed Lunch the Night Before - Nothing takes up more time than having to worry about breakfast and lunch for the day. Why not go back to those high school days of yore when your mother so lovingly packed you a snack and a sandwich in those good ol' Thermos bags? They're environmentally friendly as well!
  4. Have Somebody Call You When You Need to Wake Up - Our school has this nasty bit of business of having exams start at 9 a.m. Some of my friends, who worry about not being able to wake up in time, have people who they know are early risers give them a call at the appropriate time. What about Dean McAmmond? He's got a brood of kids, I'm sure he's up at all hours.
  5. Car Pool - Look, with your driving track record I'm not so sure this isn't a bad idea. Back to the whole 'environmentally business', given your vehicles of choice I'm sure car pooling will earn you back some brownie points from good ol' Mother Nature there. She is one broad you do not want to piss off.
Please realize I'm doing this to try to help you Ray. I quite like you. I mean your shenanigans are kind of funny when they're not upsetting the team, but this crap has got to stop. You're making $9.5 million! You have 11 watches! Surely ONE of them has the right time on it.

Programming Note!
If you're in the Ottawa region or like listening to the Team 1200, blogger Mike Chen will be on later tonight at around 11 p.m. - 12 a.m. doing an interview with the guys. You can also live-stream it from their website if you can't get it on your dial.

Cross-Posted to Scarlett Ice


McPhizzle said...

Genius, Sherry!!! I, too, am not a morning person. And while McMan seems to think it's "adorable" my boss does not.

Ray, if you're reading this, I already employ some of these tactics - they work. Please use them. I dig you. After all, you are Ray Mutha-Freakin Emery.

Kirsten said...

Is it bad that I'm so amused by this whole Emery situation?

"I'm Ray mother fucking Emery, bitch!" Too bad I've never actually heard him say that. I can totally see it, minus the American black voice...

I know quite a few people that could stand to employ a few suggestions off that list, like my brother. His ideal wake up time is 2 PM.