Friday, January 19, 2007

Back Into the Kitchen, Hockey Fans, It's Where You Belong!


Greetings, readers new and old! Our Q rating has gone up in the world, as we were linked on Deadspin, a hotbed of hilarious, informed, and naughty sports news. Personally, I hit up Deadspin at least 9 times a day, and dream of blogging sex symbol Will Leitch rescuing me from work and carrying me from my edit room like Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentleman (buy his book, it's really good). Response to our linkage was swift, as Sherry and I discovered, for one astute Deadspin commenter has declared that we, the ladies of hlog, have singularly set the women's movement back 30 years. I don't know about the rest of you all, but this comes as news to me. I had thought, hoped really, that we had set the women's movement back 10, maybe 15 years, tops. I mean, my frequent proofreading mistakes had to bump us in the direction somewhat. But 30 years?! I, for one, am drunk with power, you guys. And slightly turned on. I'm not sure what we did exactly, but I know we can do more. If we all band together, we can work to set the women's movement back an extra 30 years! It won't be easy. But here is the new hlog plan of action.

--all opinions herein must begin with the phrase: "My husband/boyfriend told me..." and end with "But what do I know? I'm just a girl."
--the immediate suspension of book-reading, all input is to come in the form of glossy magazines and the E! channel
--an hlogger is never to cross her legs, an hlogger reveals nothing...unless a boy asks or tells her
--a weekly recipe exchange is in effect, low-fat please, guys won't read us if we're fat
--all posting is to be done when the daily housework is completed...all of it, we'll be checking
--hloggers' personal phone numbers are to be conveniently published for reader booty calls
--foot rubs and laundry provided as a free service to all of our readers (the boys, of course, why would a girl's feet hurt?)
--fresh lemonade and fried chicken for any male commenters to compliment our hair
--a renunciation of math in all its forms by contributors and our regular female readers
--each post must state the writer's height, weight, eye and hair color, so readers know which posts are worth reading
--all sports-related articles are to be preceded by discussions of Sandra Bullock movies
--topless photos of your favorite hlogger are available by request

These are just some ideas on how we, as a unit, can heave ourselves and our sisterhood even further into the past. If you have any additional ideas, have your boyfriend send them to my boyfriend, and then get some beauty sleep, thinking is hard. Next up, let's take on civil rights!

12 comments:

PPP said...

NOW you have the makings of an AMAZING blog.

Great response.

hockeygirl said...

OMG! I fucking love it! Whoooops! Ladies aren't supposed to use profanity. I apologize, let me bake you some mincemeat tarts. Wait... Do those have meat in them? I'll go check after I finish ironing all my linens... Now, where is that iron?

Heather B. said...

Margee, this is amazing. When Tim comes back I will make it my personal mission to make sure he calls you. (Then you'll have a rich, hockey player to support you so you don't have to use your brain as much as you did for this. Ouch.)

CapsChick said...

Can someone help me with the big words? I only went to college to get my MRS degree... :)

Great response, Margee - you rock!

MetroGnome said...

I read you guys before...

But now you REALLY have my attention. Free foot rubs? topless photography? Score!

Sherry said...

Margee, I would like to shake your hand.

And then we should totally go to the mall and check out the cute boys ;)

thehockeychick said...

Good stuff Margee!!! And 30 years? Women in 1976 weren't in the kitchen, they were at the disco doing coke and practicing free love.

And sorry, but I'm a foodie, so I agree with everything except the low-fat recipe exchange ;-)

magnolia_mer said...

HAH!

aquietgirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Margee said...

Thanks, guys. My brain sure hurt after I posted. Luckily, Hope Rises was on tv, and there was a fresh carton of bonbons in the fridge for me to recover with. If anyone is having problems findind a topless phtographer, let my boyfriend know. He's volunterring to help us out in that department. So sweet...

Jordi said...

--hloggers' personal phone numbers are to be conveniently published for reader booty calls

But but I'm saving my flower for my husband!

Shan said...

Well, I'm not opposed to these changes. I actually like Sandra Bullock.