Merry Bruins-mas

It may seem like Hockey Santa Claus visited the Boston Bruins early this season, with this NHL best record and all. However, in the interest of being greedy, there are a few things Hockey Santa Claus could bring the Bruins as we wind down this holiday season:


Patrice Bergeron's health - As of Tuesday, Bergeron was still suffering headaches as an after effect of his December 20th concussion. After last season's devastating head injury, any hit to the head could potentially affect the rest of this 23 year old's NHL career. I know I join all Bruins fans in wishing that Bergeron gets better quickly.

Frequent traveler miles of some kind for Martin St. Pierre - St. Pierre was called up by the Bruins from Providence of the AHL on December 20th as a replacement for injured Petteri Nokelainen. He was sent back down to Providence on December 31st. On New Year's Day, St. Pierre was called back up because Nokelainen was not able to play against the Penguins. Poor St. Pierre must now be very used to either the Providence commuter rail or I-95 at this point.

A fun spinwheel to play wheel o' goalies with - The Bruins are blessed with two strong and experienced goalies in Tim Thomas and Manny Fernandez. While many prefer Thomas, Fernandez has proved himself competent and excellent in many situations. As the season has progressed, substituting Fernandez for Thomas hasn't seemed as much as a gamble as it may have in October. You could even suggest that coach Claude Julien could consider just spinning a wheel to choose his nightly starter, because Thomas's quick response to situations, and Fernandez's size and ability to block the net provide great stability to the Bruins defense.

Not too many "pink hats" - Yes, the Pats are not in the playoffs and many Bostonians do not know what to do with themselves. They are jumping on the Bruins' bandwagon like it's filled with Dunkin' Donuts coffee. I hope that those jumping on the bandwagon take the time to educate themselves about the sport, its nuances and the players. And I hope that the number of pink jerseys, shirts and hats is small - yellow and black is classy, and the bear just doesn't translate well to Pepto-Bismol Pink.


The Special Ks to continue doing what they're doing - I heard Bruins' tv color commentator Andy Brickley refer to Phil Kessel and David Krejci as the "Special K's" on New Year's Day, and I love the nickname. They deserve a catchy nickname for the great season they are having. The combination has contributed 80 points to the Bruins so far this season (Krejci with 14 goals, 17 assists, and Kessel with 23 goals and 16 assists.) Krejci, 22, and Kessel, 21, have provided an energy and spark to the team, and Bruins fans have to hope they keep up their scoring and overall good play.

Pick Up a BU or BC player after the college season ends - This is purely a selfish wish, but there are some massively talented seniors on both Boston University and Boston College's hockey teams who are undrafted, like BU's Matt Gilroy. The Bruins also hold the rights to Hockey East scoring leader, BC's bionic armed Brock Bradford (he broke both of his arms last year, and to come back like he has is sorta remarkable.) I'm all for college hockey players finishing school, but if they are still in town with the Bruins, I am sure something could be worked out. So, come on, Bruins - let's sign some local college talent.

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Outrageous Gifts for the Coyotes - the Z list edition

They've all been as good as could be and deserve good prezzies, unfortunately I'm broke and have no pull with Santa

Fedoruk - Please Santa, get the Fridge his front teeth… and some side ones too… or at least a reminder device to tell him to take them with him for interviews?

Boedker -Boedy could use some ProActive solution. I hate to be mean… but the NHL has not been good to that gorgeous lil rookie’s complexion (srsly he’s got everything else hockey-wise)

Mueller - Muels apparently could use a new hip flexor and a lucky charm to take the sophmore jinx off his back

Turris - to “REALLY” weigh 180! my friend Virg says he should get one of those shirts with the fake musles built in. or a McDs gift card so he can haz cheese burger everyday…

Jokinen - Joker could sure use some Rogaine for eyebrows

Bryzgalov - Breezy needs a home hot dog cart (I’ve never seen anyone who actually LIKED hot dogs as much)

Lisin - a sweet lil red race car bed, so he can go fast, even when he sleeps. vrrooom vrrrooommm snore snore snore

Yandle - a professional photo session, so he and his family can have 1 non mug-shot photo,(with a barber on standby to shave him between takes)… that 5 oclock shadow thingy is a 5 minute shadow on him

Hanzal - a ritual burning of ALL copies of Zoolander so he can stop hearing how hot he is right now (even though he is)

Doan - sheesh what do u get the captain who has everything? 3 hats… in lieu of the real thing, since I can’t seem to will him an NHL hat trick (and neither can he apparently)

Jovanovski - JoVo gets a better tryke, one where all the wheels work? or a longer bus? or maybe we upgrade him to a big wheel… a big boy ride! since he has decided to be more Jovocop than Special Ed lately and both Santa and I appreciate that

Tikhnov - Teeks needs a Russian accent (cuz the Nor-Cal one sure confuses the hell out of interviewers) add the banishment of the words dude and awesome from his conciousness

Michalek - Z could sure use an auto block for his puck-over-glass moments and some seriously kevlared shin pads since he seems determined to go full-metal-kamikaze in front of every puck this season

Morris - DMo gets a new contract, early…please Santa, convince Mo Cheeks to re-sign (ok this was really a gift for me but hey…its MY list)

Porter - Puddin gets a line mate who understands his mental signals to go to the front of the net (or for Kolarick to make the team and show the other kids how it works)

Tellqvist - Telly sure could use a few less breaks between starts, the Swedish Wolf deserves better than 10 - 15 a year anyway

Carcillo - Wild Thang gets a muzzle or a taser button on his balls (TGO can press it to shut him up when needed) although the ability to grow a REAL mustache would also be nice, so DC can stop looking like a 12 year old trying to look like Erroll Flynn playing a porn star

Winnik - The Beast could use some skate brakes so he can actually stop n shoot in the opposing crease and save his career (aka get out of Gretzky’s doghouse)

Reinprecht - Rhino could use some R.E.S.P.E.C.T. the guy should NOT be on another trade-him list for 2008, he just gets no love and he should

Lindstrom - Lucky Lindy needs 2 of the kids on permanent status for linemates, Lindy Hop could really throw down if he had some stability

Hale - OhHell needs a modicum of defensive wisdom… he can hit and pass a little but deciding when to do what could use a little boost

Sauer - Sig needs a goal, a pretteh, puck handling, honest to goodness goal scorers GWG (he does nearly everything else so well, this would really be a gift)

Klee - Ksquared needs a stronger constitution so he won’t have to rest so often which opens the door for Hale storms

Thanks Odie, Virg and Teal for the input, hopefully Santa reads this blog… or maybe not since I would prolly end up on the naughty list for some of them

!!!!MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS to all!!!!

xposted to Z4's

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Xmas Gifts for the LA Kings

Christmas is almost here! Yay!  The way my boys have been playing lately, they definitely need some help gifts. No matter the age, everyone makes a list for Santa. Here are things I found my boys asking for:

Derek Armstrong: "I wish Jon Zeiler wouldn't take my roster spot"
Dustin Brown: "I really want a linemate not named Kyle Calder"
Kyle Calder: "All I want is for the fans at Staples Center to stop hating on me"
Drew Doughty: "I want a razor so I can finally shave my hideous beard/goatee"
Erik Ersberg: "I wish I were Big" (seriously people, in street clothes he looks like he's 12)
Alexander Frolov: "I want to reach the elusive 40-goal mark this season" (hmm, so do all Kings fans)
Denis Gauthier: "I want to learn how to be a good defenseman"
Raitis Ivanans: "All I want for Christmas is a good fight...with anyone"
Anze Kopitar: "Santa, I'm still waiting for that eye cream"
Jason LaBarbera: "I want consistency" (We all want that from you...)
Oscar Moller: "Did you see me in that Kings All-Star Campaign? Get me an agent stat!"
Sean O'Donnell: "I want to be young again like that awesome kid, Drew Doughty"
Patrick O'Sullivan: "All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth"
Tom Preissing: "I just want Jack back"
Teddy Purcell: "I want my twin [Moulson] in LA with me."
Kyle Quincey: "I want Moller and Simmonds to cook me dinner sometimes."
Brad Richardson: (Ed note: Uh, who? Really, her? I don't think I know who that is.)
Wayne Simmonds: "I wish there was more '80s rock music in the locker room!...What, Santa, you thought I wanted some Lil Wayne??" 
John Zeiler: "I want to learn how to play hockey"

And for good measure, because I want them on the roster:
Brian Boyle: "I want Lennie strength"
Matt Moulson: "I want out of Manchester...get me to LA now."

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Here Comes Santa Claus

I'm being stingy this year with my naughties and nices. So here's the short list for my team.

Let's start with the naughty list, okay? It's the holidays, my sense of goodwill to all has kicked in, and I'm about to start vacation. My only real naughty goes to Danny Briere's groin. Enough already! Let the man earn the hefty paycheck stipulated by that enormous free agent contract.

And now for the nice list...

Dear Captain, you have been entertaining and productive this season (once again). Thank you. In return, my gift for you is the stones to continue guiding this crew.

Simon Gagne, I am so happy with this season's return and success. (I can only guess how you must feel about it.) I'm getting you immunity from all head shots this season.

Jeff Carter, where do I begin? That wrister can be so deadly to opposing goalies. For you, my gift is the slap shot. You need a second, consistent scoring mechanism to continue rounding out your play in the drive for more goals and the ASG.

Kimmo Timonen, I really can't put into words all the nice you have been since you came to Philly. My present for you is continued patience, skill, vision, and grit...all the key things I think make you a great defenseman on the ice.

Antero Niittymäki, my gift for you is continued good hip health. We need you! And I still think you have one of the best splits in the NHL.

And, Lasse Kukkonen, I still like you. My gift for you are skates that don't allow pucks to bounce into the goal, but away from it instead.

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"It's that time of year..."

So the rest of the song goes "when the world falls in love" but honestly, the Predators have a few things to get sorted before I do any kind of falling in love over them this Christmas.

With that in mind, here’s what I’d like to give each player this holiday season. Then maybe the loving can commence.

2 Dan Hamhuis (defense) – better puck control, less turnovers, to never lose his boyish good looks

3 Wade Belak (winger) – more fights, a few more goals, for Predators fans to love him even though he wears Marek Zidlicky’s former number

4 Ville Koistinen (defense) – more consistent play

5 Greg Zanon (defense) – better padding when he’s taking those pucks to the body

6 Shea Weber (defense) – a better on-air personality so people actually assume he’s not as boring as he puts off, an All-Star bid that comes from having votes on the ballot and not from the “pity” nod by the league

7 Greg deVries (defense) – for Predators fans to stop calling him “the new Zidlicky”

8 Kevin Klein (defense) – more ice time, less healthy scratch games, for people to stop thinking he’s evil after seeing his crazy eyes

10 Martin Erat (winger) – more goals, more consistency in his game, a year’s worth of free highlights at the salon of his choosing, a better English vocabulary so he uses less “wells” “ums” and “you knows”

11 David Legwand (center) – all he wants for Christmas is his one front tooth, his one front tooth, his one front tooth; oh, and less pressure to be the “franchise guy” even though he has that big contract

12 Scott Nichol (center) – to maintain a good face off percentage, to be a few inches taller so he'll be more evenly matched against the big guys from other teams

14 Radek Bonk (center) – to maintain a good face off percentage, to end the season with a better +/- than last year, a razor so he’ll look less like a homeless man with all that facial scruff

19 Jason Arnott (center) – anger management courses in case defending his teammates ever gets worse than it did during the Vancouver game on the 9th, to always be on a line with JP Dumont

20 Ryan Suter (defense) – to score more goals so he can get out of the Shea Weber shadow, a dog

22 Jordin Tootoo (winger) – a few more goals, more fan support (because he can never have enough), to never be traded to Columbus

25 Jerred Smithson (center) – to maintain a good face off percentage, to stay solid on the penalty kill, to score a few more goals, to be more talkative in public

28 Ryan Jones (winger) – to stay called up to the NHL, to be on a better line once he does get called up

29 Joel Ward (winger) – world peace (seriously, this boy has everything he could ever want so I don’t know what else he would ask for)

35 Pekka Rinne (goal tender) – more playing time, a better on-air personality when Pete and Terry are interviewing him from the bench during a game (the fans need to be entertained, Pekka!)

37 Rich Peverley (winger) – more ice time, less healthy scratch games, chemistry with his linemates

38 Vernon Fiddler (winger) – to score more short handed goals, a razor for that nasty 'stache you've got going on right now

39 Dan Ellis (goal tender) – for the team to remain consistent in front of him, for him to break the starting goalie curse that has seemed to plague the Predators for the past few years, a lifetime supply of Pedialyte (or similar substitute) so he will stay hydrated during games

41 Jed Ortmeyer (winger) – to play in the NHL again (::single tear:: I miss you, Jed)

42 Antti Pihlstrom (winger) – a copy of English for Dummies so he can learn to speak better in front of the media (Pekka might need to borrow this occasionally)

71 Jean Pierre Dumont (winger) – the other half of his tooth back from when he got hit during the Vancouver game on the 9th, to always be on a line with Jason Arnott

Also, I’d like to think that if the Predators could collectively wish for one thing this Christmas, it would be to win the Stanley Cup.

Wouldn't that be nice?

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Christmas...already?

Does my team really deserve presents? I mean, really?

I guess if I have to...

Let's start with the Jackets captain, Rick Nash. I have to say, I'm going to have to get him shooting lessons. Do you know how many breakaways he has missed this season?

Now for the rest of the boys.

Steve Mason, oh my beloved little hockey baby jesus. The only thing I can think to get for you is someone to play the point on the power play so we can score a little more for you!

Mike Commodore. You were naughty this year, so you are getting a blanket, to cover up with.

Freddy Norrena, you receive a conditioning stint in the minors. Sorry, but, you haven't played since.......I don't even REMEMBER the last time.

Fedor Tyutin you are the best player for the Jackets every night, well aside from Mason, you are going to receive a permanent home in Columbus.

Christian Backman, you get a trade to anyone, just go away, please.

Freddy Modin, you scare my mom. So, I am going to have to force you to talk to a specialist who will train you to not look so intimidating, at least when you're not on the ice.

Jared Boll, you are going to have to take fighting lessons, you have been slacking this year.

Ken Hitchcock, you receive new assistant coaches who will fix our power play and penalty kill. You also receive a book deal, so you can write your book, Hitchionary.

Pascal Leclaire you get a seat warmer, because you have lost your position in the net, and I don't want your bum to get cold.

Kristian Huselius, you get some consistency.

RJ Umberger, you get some faceoff lessons courtesy of your favorite teammate, Manny Malhotra.

Derick Brassard, Jake Voracek, and Jason Chimera, you get a permanent spot on the goat line, now start producing again.

Derek Dorsett, congrats! You are forever a Blue Jacket, get rid of that place in Syracuse.

And finally, a gift to the entire team.......

A playoff spot! Now get back to work!!

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"McP the Elf, What's your favorite color? "

Well, since there is a huge wind storm here and I can't sleep, I might as well be productive. Getting right down to business, my job today is to report to Santa and let him know who on the Sharkies (or around the league) has been naughty or nice and let him know what a few people need for Christmas.

Naughty list - as a perpetual optimist, I tend to look for the good in people, so this list is rather short.
*Rob Blake - Match penalty for spearing last night warrants a lump of coal in his stocking.
*Brett Festerling (ANA) - The potentially dangerous hit on JR last night. Two lumps of coal and a flaming bag of poo for a present.UPDATE: It was released this morning that JR will miss some action due to the shoulder injury sustained by Mr. Brett. Let's up the bad present-thon up to three lumps of coal a flaming bag of poo and some really ofensive gas. **Personal note: Brett, Brett, Brett... I'm really excited that you made it to the show (especially since you played in TRI for so long), but can you please refrain from breaking my favorite players? He's old enough to be your father - Respect your elders and don't hit them in the numbers.

Nice list -
*Devin Setoguchi, Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau - whatever they want, they should get. fer reals.
*Jonathan Cheechoo - a new upper body so that injury will go away.
*Dan Boyle - See suggestion for Seto, Joe and Patty
*Nabby and Boucher - See suggestion for Dan Boyle
*JR - scoring stats reminicent of his days in Chicago
*Vlasic - a jar of pickles... and some more goals - kid's doing better than all last season already this year. Keep it up!
*Jody Shelley - another crack at Parros
*Coach McLellan - Players who keep buying into his systems
*Little Joe Pavelski - More wins at the ping pong table
*Torrey Mitchel - A new leg
*Cavanagh, Clowe, Goc, Grier, Michalek, Plihal, Erhoff, Lukowich, Murray and Semenov - 6 more months of exactly what they have been doing.

In other words, Santa, without jinxing anything, my reccomendation is that you bring these guys something that starts with an "S" and ends with a "tanley Cup" You can deliver it via Mr. Bettman in approximately 6 months.

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I Saw Mommy Kissing Sharkie Claus

For this creative challenge, I chose to focus solely on the Sharks. I am sure other teams and players are deserving of gifts, but I don't know them well enough to give them meaningful gifts. They'd all get gift certificates to the local crazy sock store. Everyone needs socks.

To start I'd like to give everyone on the team the gift of a new set of teeth, if they need them. Real teeth, not the fake ones many of them have now. Real, unbreakable, puck will bounce off them and keep going, teeth. Maybe those are a bit better than real, either way, they'd get teeth. Now, onto the specifics. Everyone on the team is deserving of a gift, but I've chosen to list just a few below.

Joe Thornton: A ham.

A ham?

Yes, a ham.

Any Shark fan will tell you that they love Joe and Joe loves San Jose. He takes every chance he gets to talk about how great we fans are and how much he and the rest of the team love playing in front of us. I'm not saying it's not true but, he lays it on a little thick sometimes. So, for his awesome work at making us all feel good, Joe Thornton gets a ham.


Cheechoo: Anti-injury serum. Cheechoo hasn't been the same since the 2005-2006 season when he scored 56 goals. Part of the problem may lie in his ever increasing number of injuries. With that in mind, anti-injury serum seems like a great gift.


Torrey Mitchell: flip flops. If you read Torrey Mitchell's blog you'll know that his partner is crime, Devin Setoguchi, ruined his flips flops. Don't worry, they made good, but having an extra set of flips flops is never a bad thing.


Devin Setoguchi: spot on the All-Star roster.


Christian Ehrhoff: Affectionately known to Sharks fans as “Errorhoff,” Christian has been an explosion of amazing this season. He gets a goal-targeting stick, just in case he ever forgets the goal isn't 20 feet tall and 10 feet wide.


Ryane Clowe: What do you get the man who seems to have everything? He has a sign in his home town with his face on it. How do you top that? With Hulk Smash gloves, that's how!


Marcel Goc: He gets a hug. Why? He needs one.


Last, but not least, I would like to given former San Jose Shark, now Worcester Shark, Kyle McLaren, a spot on an NHL roster. The Sharks don't currently have room for him, but someone out there has to. So, someone, will you give Kyle a spot on your roster in time for Christmas?

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Creative Challenge: Naughty or Nice?

"Who's been naughty and who's been nice throughout the league? What would you get your team's players for the holidays?" Well, when I signed on here at HLOG, I did so as a Carolina Hurricanes representative. What do I get this team for the holidays? A do-over for this season so far. I'm leaving it at that. My real hockey love is my WHL team, the Tri-City Americans so I'm gonna focus my holiday creative challenge on those boys!

Who's been nice?

Jason Reese--5th in the WHL in scoring
Captain Taylor Procyshen--a +21 on the season so far!
Noob Mitch Fadden--20 points in 13 games
16 y.o. rookie Justin Feser--14 points in 21 games and +9
Defenceman Jarrett Toll--discovering his offensive upside, 7 goals, 8 assists so far
Goalie Chet Pickard--winningest goalie in Americans' history, going to WJC camp (should make final roster)

Really, the whole team's pretty darn nice--nice enough for 1st place in the US Division, 3rd overall in the

So, who's been naughty?

Mitch McColm--79 penalty minutes. 3 shiners so far this season, Uncle Mitch is awesome.
Tyler Schmidt--68 penalty minutes. Though 5 of those were for beating the poo out of Drayson Bowman of the rival Spokane Chiefs, so really like 63, since he took it pretty easy on Bows.
Drew Owsley--causing some of my lady friends to begin bickering over who he should belong to. Very naughy!

Pretty much, no one's really been naughty.

Now then, what would I get my teams' players for Christmas (in order by number, not favorites):

Mitch McColm--15+ pounds on his frame so he can be a true enforcer. Plenty of "Got Mitch?" shirts to give to his buddies back home.

Jarrett Toll--a shaver (me no likey "beard") and more goals!! He gets so excited when he scores, he practically shakes like a 3 pound Chihuahua. And an exclusive dinner for just him and Taylor Swift.

Jason Gardiner--uh, a not-broken leg I guess? That's what he asked Santa for at Christmas party.

Riley McIntosh--hmmm, he's new, I don't really know him yet to know what to get him. AMS just got him from Kelowna so I'll get him a big stuffed dinosaur monster thing, to remind him of Ogopogo. And a red, white, and blue American flag outfit for the monster, to remind Riley he plays for the AMS now.

Cam Stevens--more playing time, I like watching him play; the entire Run DMC discography, breakdancing lessons.

Jason Reese--I'd say new skates, but he just got new ones so, uh...more goals! More faceoff wins; tickets to some emo band's concert like Cobra Starship or As I Lay Dying.

Kruise Reddick--more faceoff wins, more goals; The OC complete series on dvd. And the Twilight series books. These boys have long bus rides.

Mitch Fadden--a haircut, I'm just not digging the red mullet. And teeth whitener (sorry kitten, but you have yellow teeth. I will not make out with you like that. JK about the making out part...maybe)

Brooks Macek--10+ pounds, he's so skinny! Course he's just a little rookie, he'll fill out. Other than that, he gets lots of handmade-with-love cookies from me :) Oh, and a mouth guard that fits so he can keep it in his mouth! And a nicotine patch...

Adam Hughesman--speed skating lessons. He's better than last season, but still cement-footed at times. Also needs a mouthguard that fits. And hair gel. Lots of it. Or whatever hair product he uses on that amazing hairstyle he's got going on.

Mason Wilgosh--Oreo pizzas from Domino's. Three of them.

Jordan Messier--One of these awesome chairs, whichever NHL team he wants, to kick back and play NHL 09

Johnny Lazo--sniper skillz; business cards that read "Johnny Lazo, Baller Status" or something to that effect. And human hampster balls to race his buddies in.

Justin Feser--Some bling. He seems like a guy who's classy and should have a nice chain or something to accent his pretty face and look nice for the ladiez

Tyler Schmidt--I would actually take away any "Free tanning" gifts he receives for Christmas. Lay off there, babydoll, you're orange.

Brendan Shinniman--Gongshow Hockey Cougar Patrol tee. Seems like he'd go for the "experienced" gals. Go get 'em tiger!

Brock Zimak--see Brock Sutherland--this tandem bike for the 2 Brocks. Or this epic Russian motorcycle with a sidecar for them.

Spencer Asuchak--more playing time; A bunch of Mario Batali kitchen stuff, he's a secret foodie and spends his spare time reading cookbooks and thinking about ingredient combinations.

Brett Plouffe--Just like what he asked Santa for at the Christmas party, front teeth that stay in for more than 2 days.

Lane Werbowski--Magic eye drops that will keep his eyes open during critical plays/photo opportunities. And a red bike.

Drew Owsley--I'll leave this one up to Q-Girl or Bethany. Or both. Lots o' gifts for my goalie. I know Owl Cookies for sure.

Chet Pickard--NHL rink-style cribbage board. Combines hockey and cribbage, two of his favorites.

Brett Martyniuk--OMG, some playing time in an actual game! Poor kid. It'll happen Brett, don't get too discouraged; and a bitchin' mask paint job, the black is boooring.

Brock Sutherland--see Brock Zimak--this tandem bike for the 2 Brocks. Or this epic Russian motorcycle with a sidecar for them.

Petr Stoklasa--whatever he needs so his teammates don't continue with the nickname "Stinky" be it deodorant, AXE body wash, whatever. "Stinky" is not a nice nickname for such a nice guy.

Taylor Procyshen--patience with the puck; The Office on dvd, though he probably already has it. Arrested Development on dvd. If he likes The Office, he'll like AD.

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