Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Outrageous Gifts for the Coyotes - the Z list edition

They've all been as good as could be and deserve good prezzies, unfortunately I'm broke and have no pull with Santa

Fedoruk - Please Santa, get the Fridge his front teeth… and some side ones too… or at least a reminder device to tell him to take them with him for interviews?

Boedker -Boedy could use some ProActive solution. I hate to be mean… but the NHL has not been good to that gorgeous lil rookie’s complexion (srsly he’s got everything else hockey-wise)

Mueller - Muels apparently could use a new hip flexor and a lucky charm to take the sophmore jinx off his back

Turris - to “REALLY” weigh 180! my friend Virg says he should get one of those shirts with the fake musles built in. or a McDs gift card so he can haz cheese burger everyday…

Jokinen - Joker could sure use some Rogaine for eyebrows

Bryzgalov - Breezy needs a home hot dog cart (I’ve never seen anyone who actually LIKED hot dogs as much)

Lisin - a sweet lil red race car bed, so he can go fast, even when he sleeps. vrrooom vrrrooommm snore snore snore

Yandle - a professional photo session, so he and his family can have 1 non mug-shot photo,(with a barber on standby to shave him between takes)… that 5 oclock shadow thingy is a 5 minute shadow on him

Hanzal - a ritual burning of ALL copies of Zoolander so he can stop hearing how hot he is right now (even though he is)

Doan - sheesh what do u get the captain who has everything? 3 hats… in lieu of the real thing, since I can’t seem to will him an NHL hat trick (and neither can he apparently)

Jovanovski - JoVo gets a better tryke, one where all the wheels work? or a longer bus? or maybe we upgrade him to a big wheel… a big boy ride! since he has decided to be more Jovocop than Special Ed lately and both Santa and I appreciate that

Tikhnov - Teeks needs a Russian accent (cuz the Nor-Cal one sure confuses the hell out of interviewers) add the banishment of the words dude and awesome from his conciousness

Michalek - Z could sure use an auto block for his puck-over-glass moments and some seriously kevlared shin pads since he seems determined to go full-metal-kamikaze in front of every puck this season

Morris - DMo gets a new contract, early…please Santa, convince Mo Cheeks to re-sign (ok this was really a gift for me but hey…its MY list)

Porter - Puddin gets a line mate who understands his mental signals to go to the front of the net (or for Kolarick to make the team and show the other kids how it works)

Tellqvist - Telly sure could use a few less breaks between starts, the Swedish Wolf deserves better than 10 - 15 a year anyway

Carcillo - Wild Thang gets a muzzle or a taser button on his balls (TGO can press it to shut him up when needed) although the ability to grow a REAL mustache would also be nice, so DC can stop looking like a 12 year old trying to look like Erroll Flynn playing a porn star

Winnik - The Beast could use some skate brakes so he can actually stop n shoot in the opposing crease and save his career (aka get out of Gretzky’s doghouse)

Reinprecht - Rhino could use some R.E.S.P.E.C.T. the guy should NOT be on another trade-him list for 2008, he just gets no love and he should

Lindstrom - Lucky Lindy needs 2 of the kids on permanent status for linemates, Lindy Hop could really throw down if he had some stability

Hale - OhHell needs a modicum of defensive wisdom… he can hit and pass a little but deciding when to do what could use a little boost

Sauer - Sig needs a goal, a pretteh, puck handling, honest to goodness goal scorers GWG (he does nearly everything else so well, this would really be a gift)

Klee - Ksquared needs a stronger constitution so he won’t have to rest so often which opens the door for Hale storms

Thanks Odie, Virg and Teal for the input, hopefully Santa reads this blog… or maybe not since I would prolly end up on the naughty list for some of them


xposted to Z4's

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