Xmas Gifts for the LA Kings

Christmas is almost here! Yay!  The way my boys have been playing lately, they definitely need some help gifts. No matter the age, everyone makes a list for Santa. Here are things I found my boys asking for:

Derek Armstrong: "I wish Jon Zeiler wouldn't take my roster spot"
Dustin Brown: "I really want a linemate not named Kyle Calder"
Kyle Calder: "All I want is for the fans at Staples Center to stop hating on me"
Drew Doughty: "I want a razor so I can finally shave my hideous beard/goatee"
Erik Ersberg: "I wish I were Big" (seriously people, in street clothes he looks like he's 12)
Alexander Frolov: "I want to reach the elusive 40-goal mark this season" (hmm, so do all Kings fans)
Denis Gauthier: "I want to learn how to be a good defenseman"
Raitis Ivanans: "All I want for Christmas is a good fight...with anyone"
Anze Kopitar: "Santa, I'm still waiting for that eye cream"
Jason LaBarbera: "I want consistency" (We all want that from you...)
Oscar Moller: "Did you see me in that Kings All-Star Campaign? Get me an agent stat!"
Sean O'Donnell: "I want to be young again like that awesome kid, Drew Doughty"
Patrick O'Sullivan: "All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth"
Tom Preissing: "I just want Jack back"
Teddy Purcell: "I want my twin [Moulson] in LA with me."
Kyle Quincey: "I want Moller and Simmonds to cook me dinner sometimes."
Brad Richardson: (Ed note: Uh, who? Really, her? I don't think I know who that is.)
Wayne Simmonds: "I wish there was more '80s rock music in the locker room!...What, Santa, you thought I wanted some Lil Wayne??" 
John Zeiler: "I want to learn how to play hockey"

And for good measure, because I want them on the roster:
Brian Boyle: "I want Lennie strength"
Matt Moulson: "I want out of Manchester...get me to LA now."