Christmas...already?

Does my team really deserve presents? I mean, really?

I guess if I have to...

Let's start with the Jackets captain, Rick Nash. I have to say, I'm going to have to get him shooting lessons. Do you know how many breakaways he has missed this season?

Now for the rest of the boys.

Steve Mason, oh my beloved little hockey baby jesus. The only thing I can think to get for you is someone to play the point on the power play so we can score a little more for you!

Mike Commodore. You were naughty this year, so you are getting a blanket, to cover up with.

Freddy Norrena, you receive a conditioning stint in the minors. Sorry, but, you haven't played since.......I don't even REMEMBER the last time.

Fedor Tyutin you are the best player for the Jackets every night, well aside from Mason, you are going to receive a permanent home in Columbus.

Christian Backman, you get a trade to anyone, just go away, please.

Freddy Modin, you scare my mom. So, I am going to have to force you to talk to a specialist who will train you to not look so intimidating, at least when you're not on the ice.

Jared Boll, you are going to have to take fighting lessons, you have been slacking this year.

Ken Hitchcock, you receive new assistant coaches who will fix our power play and penalty kill. You also receive a book deal, so you can write your book, Hitchionary.

Pascal Leclaire you get a seat warmer, because you have lost your position in the net, and I don't want your bum to get cold.

Kristian Huselius, you get some consistency.

RJ Umberger, you get some faceoff lessons courtesy of your favorite teammate, Manny Malhotra.

Derick Brassard, Jake Voracek, and Jason Chimera, you get a permanent spot on the goat line, now start producing again.

Derek Dorsett, congrats! You are forever a Blue Jacket, get rid of that place in Syracuse.

And finally, a gift to the entire team.......

A playoff spot! Now get back to work!!