Attention all general managers:
It has come to our attention that the NHL has been infiltrated by Cylons**. It has been well documented that goal tender Tim Thomas is a Cylon, but we believe there are others. We need them found and identified before they compromise the league.
All Cylons must be identified by June. This will allow for an even redistribution of them throughout the League over the summer. No team should have more than two Clyons at any given time to prevent them from having an unfair advantage. Coaches may also be Cylon. Do not tell them of your investigation or it will be compromised.
We have a few possible suspects already in mind, but we need YOUR HELP to find the rest. Once you have complied your lists, all subjects will submit to testing.
Please act with all haste and post your potential Cylon players in the comments below, as soon as possible. Findings will be relayed back to you as soon as we have confirmed the presence of all the Cylons in the League.
Thank You,
-Gray, Commissioner in Charge of Confirming Cylon Presence
**Cylons are robots that look and feel like normal humans. They are generally indistinguishable from the general population, though many may exhibit signs of unnatural stamina or strength. Please keep these qualities in mind when submitting your list of names.
Monday, March 02, 2009
The League Needs Your Help
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Blackhawks Musical
Now for your listening pleasure...
1. PYT (Pretty Young Thing) – Michael Jackson
We drafted Pat Kane, enough said.
2. How Fortunate The Man With None - Dead Can Dance
This was when old Bill Wirtz died. It, of course, is never fun to see your owner die, but on the other hand, he was an evil dictator to the entire organization. It wasn't happy, but still nice to have a change coming.
3. Get The Party Started - P!nk
Rocky finally put the first home game on TV (November 11th against the Detroit Red Wings) after years of having to listen to home games on the radio, and on my birthday!
4. U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer
In November we were 8-3-2, and 5-1 at home. We were dominating, and the Blackhawks organization was beginning to test new wings.
5. Alone I Break - Koяn
When Jonny boy sprained his knee in the game against Los Angeles on January 1st. The one we lost terribly. Then, we started to go down hill...
6. Stupid MF - Mindless Self Indulgence *Explicit*
We went 4-9-1 and Khabby went 0-8 in January. Lalime thankfully went 4-1, but the Bulin wall's performance was absolutely terrible. I didn't know what was wrong with him, but he needed to get knocked out of whatever slump he was in.
7. Beware Of The Boyz – Jay-Z
Toews and Williams came back after their injuries and we started to dominate again. In February we went 7-4-2, and in March we went 8-5-2. We honored Bobby Hull, Stan Mikita, and Tony Esposito during these months, and we began to actually become relevant again.
8. Stayin' Alive – The Bee Gees
At the end of the year, we were extremely optimistic and held onto our playoff hopes until the last two games of the season.
9. Let's See How Far We've Come - Matchbox 20
The Hawks used this song in their season recap video.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Best of the worst
Watching the Capitals-Bruins game today, I was struck by a particularly bad commercial. This one was Ovechkin, talking about his "passion". It was cringe worthy, and I dont even cringe when Ovechkin shows up in public dressed like a colorblind costume designer vomited clothes onto him. Which he does, a lot.
But it got me thinking about the best of the worst NHL commercials. Every team has got a few, where you can tell that a nice player agreed to do the commercial, and is miserably uncomfortable the entire time. Or best yet, when they know they are better hockey players then actors and just have fun with it.
Here is the Ovie one thats pretty terrible, but makes me laugh anyway:
Then of course there is the Martin Havlat crack up...and we aren't even talking about one of his limbs! Ca-ching. The Penguins round out the top of the list with this commercial, which produced the cringe laugh from me (squinty eyes with a snort laugh).
And then there is this Kings commercial, which is a classic. Easily the best of the worst.
I know that all hockey fans have your team faves, and I've got to be missing some, so please share in the comments!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
They're coming.......
So you remember that family tree that we had that made Ben Clymer the bastard child of a series of Penguins?
Well, they're reproducing again. Here's generation 2
This takes me back to my hypothesis that there are really only 12 sets of hockey features and they all just get shuffled randomly through the Player O'Matic. Of course, then when a hockey player gets too famous, they have to retire parts of his set. Nobody for a good long while will have Crosby lips or Pronger's teeth.
Just watch. Someday they'll find a big gumball machine full of hockey bits, and you'll all owe me money. And yes, this is what I get reduced to when my NHL team makes me want to cry. I'm convinced that if I start breeding them correctly, we'll have a good defensive line for Sid in what... 18 years?
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Baby Names
Boy: Jhonathown Kudluk Tootoo
"Jhonathwon" is just the more ridiculous version of "Jonathon" or "Johnathon"...kind of like how "Jordin" is the more ridiculous version of the more well known "Jordan". "Kudluk" is Jordin's middle name and you know he'll want to keep that in the family. That was easy!
Girl: Jordana Ophelia Tootoo
Jordin Tootoo comes across as someone who absolutely loves himself so I expect him to give one of his kids a name similar to his. And plus, any daughter he has will probably mature into a huge bruiser and will go by the masucline form of any given name. Therefore, she'll just become Jordin Tootoo. "Ophelia?" you ask. Well, now her initials are JOT!
And now I ask for your help, fellow HLOGers...what are your baby name suggestions for your favorite (or most hated) hockey player?
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Summer redesigning in the offseason.
So according to HF29, I am an intense bigamist, and what I do best is constantly show my disloyalty whenever I start cheering for the other. Considering the Habs are being constantly neglected (Huet wants to know what he did wrong), I want to reassure you all that I as the Habs representative will not neglect my duty.
I know I know, that is intensely uninteresting, I even had to take off my hockey sketches to make space for this. However, this was probably merely the easiest part of the Summer hockey redecoration of Jordi's room.
20 fucking printed pages, with a bit of fudged ink but it turned out alright. I spent close to an hour sticking these onto the wall, whereas the second one wasn't as bad but still was a bitch to stick together.
I seem to fail horribly in trying to communicate the awesomeness of all this. It's a little pet project I jumped on as soon as I saw other examples. You might have heard of the Rasterbator, a nifty program which helps make little dotty images on multiple pages for you to re-arrange on your own wall. You can make it as huge as possible and decorate your bedroom wall in which I've done. If anyone has some spare paper, a free wall and want to try out some hockey decorating, I'd encourage you to try it out.
As a final note, I put some high-res examples of mine on a flickr account and this is how my room now looks (yes that's a hand-me-down bed. And ignore the bed mess).
