Epic Fail

I fail at life. Or blogging. Possibly both considering how intermixed the two seem to have become. Now, this is completely against the rules but I am going to go ahead and post it; smite me if you will oh fearless leader.

This is me. I am Charlie Brown and I FAIL.

Anyway, I just looked at the CC (Creative Challenge, not Caps Chick... keep up) for the first time in gah, what month is it?? I thought about doing it... with a twist. As a matter of fact...

Change of plan, sorry, I'm a little ADD right now. I was going to eschew the rules and not post according to the Creative Challenge or the Topic, since I'm such a rebel and all, but now I've decided I am going to do the Challenge.

Enjoy.

Tracy: We're here today with Sean Avery who has long been regarded as one of the most hated men in the NHL. Indeed, I myself, can barely stomach being in the same room with him long enough to do this interview --

Sean Avery: Hey!

Tracy: Quiet! As I was saying, barely stomach him long enough to conduct this interview but in the name of good journalism, I am going to try and keep my gag reflex (and indeed, my fists) under control so as not to injure the whiny little schmuck burly hockey player. Let's begin. Sean, how are you today?

SA: I was a lot better before you started insulting me but --

Tracy: Oh deal with it Avery. Is it true that you've recently been suspended for trash-talking an ex-girlfriend?

SA: Yes, but --

Tracy: And is it true that you worked at a girly mag this past summer?

SA: Yes, but --

Tracy: That's kind of lame, don't you think?

SA: Would you shut up for a minute??

::Silence::

SA: What I was trying to say is that working at Vogue got me more tail --

Tracy: Yeah that's great. Let's get to the heart of the situation, shall we?

SA: Uh...?

Tracy: Explain this comment to me, Sean. "I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight."

SA: (Chuckling) It is what it is.

Tracy: So you maintain that stance do you? No backtracking?

SA: Look here Miss Lady, I'm Sean Avery. I don't go back on anything I say. Remember the playoffs last year?

Tracy: No.

SA: Oh. ... Well, let me refresh your memory, ok? I was the dude blocking Brodeur with my hands. MY HANDS! I'm that guy! I don't take anything back. That's not how studs roll.

Tracy: ...

SA: You know what I mean?

Tracy: Not really, no. But I do have one last question for you before I choke the life out of you bid you farewell.

SA: Hit me with your best shot.

Tracy: Don't tempt me.

SA: No. I mean, you know what I mean.

Tracy: My last question, Mr. Avery...

::Pause::

Tracy: True or false.

SA: Ok...?

Tracy: The hooker and the little black book?

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Avery's Hooked

Unless you live under a rock, you know that New York State was just in the middle of serious political disarray when Governor Elliot Spitzer was forced to resign after allegations that he was involved in a prostitution scandal, with implications of possible money laundering and other serious criminal activities. I *apple* New York and all, but our state is one large political mess, and this is the icing on the cake for a state who hasn't passed their budget on time 20 out of the past 21 years.

If you watched the nationally televised game between the Rangers and the Penguins today, don't listen to Mike Milbury who is still on the Islanders payroll and who obviously has a problem with the Rangers. The biggest news coming out of Ranger camp has nothing to do with Jagr's inevitable return to the Russian Hockey League. Instead, it focuses on Sean Avery and his alleged involvement in a prostitution ring; in fact, one of the prostitution rings connected to Elliot Spitzer.

Sean Avery? In the middle of a biggest sexual political scandal since ... probably not too long ago, actually. But you catch my drift.

And I'm not shocked.

If this was any other player, this would be a horrifying scandal. An embarrassment to the Rangers, and to the National Hockey League. Most people, if confronted by news media that they were involved with a prostitute, not to mention one that helped destroy the political career of a governor... they would be quite defensive, or embarrassed, or annoyed.

Not Avery.

Avery laughed of the allegations as if they were nothing. “I certainly have a lot of enemies, I know that,” Avery stated, as if to say someone else put his name in the black book of Kristen Davis. “But I do know if I was ever to venture into one of these establishments, I wouldn’t use my own name. I think that would probably be stating the obvious.” But Sean, you're a famous athlete, and prostitutes are necessarily stupid. Your picture is an easy google-search away. “It certainly could be a tri-state player that maybe started this whole conspiracy theory.” Ok, now he's reaching. But blame it on Brodeur and maybe he'll go 12-0 against the Rangers this year- (and yes, that's including the post-season. I am now convinced the Rangers and the Devils will go 4 and 5 in the East, leading to a first round Ranger-Devil series I am scared to death of).

But I'm going to believe Avery (as long as he quits going offsides so often). The lawyer for Kristen Davis has come out and said that it is untrue that Sean Avery's name was in the black book, and why should I dispute that? And if it was true, he'd probably be a bit more upset about it.

This whole thing doesn't bother me... unless it affects Avery's play. Which of course it will. Only, unlike every other player in the NHL, this will just make him play better. Because that's how Sean Avery rolls.

And apparently this has earned him a handful of nicknames around Ranger-ville. And if this increases team chemistry and leads to *gasp* 16 wins in the post-season, I'll hire his next hooker.

(Quotes from http://rangers.lohudblogs.com/2008/03/29/sean-avery-says-he-doesnt-need-to-pay-for-it/And as a disclaimer, that part about me hiring Avery's next hooker was a joke.)

Goodnight all, and see you tomorrow at 7 on Versus when the Rangers try their hand at revenge against the Penguins after today's inability to shut down Hossa, Malkin and Crosby. Or, they could get embarrassed on national TV... again!

X-Posted to Some Like It Blue

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Because I can...

Dear Sean Avery.... take some acting lessons, dude! My grandmother could make it less obvious than that!

Mad points to whoever put this together with the music. They win!

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