Epic Fail

I fail at life. Or blogging. Possibly both considering how intermixed the two seem to have become. Now, this is completely against the rules but I am going to go ahead and post it; smite me if you will oh fearless leader.

This is me. I am Charlie Brown and I FAIL.

Anyway, I just looked at the CC (Creative Challenge, not Caps Chick... keep up) for the first time in gah, what month is it?? I thought about doing it... with a twist. As a matter of fact...

Change of plan, sorry, I'm a little ADD right now. I was going to eschew the rules and not post according to the Creative Challenge or the Topic, since I'm such a rebel and all, but now I've decided I am going to do the Challenge.

Enjoy.

Tracy: We're here today with Sean Avery who has long been regarded as one of the most hated men in the NHL. Indeed, I myself, can barely stomach being in the same room with him long enough to do this interview --

Sean Avery: Hey!

Tracy: Quiet! As I was saying, barely stomach him long enough to conduct this interview but in the name of good journalism, I am going to try and keep my gag reflex (and indeed, my fists) under control so as not to injure the whiny little schmuck burly hockey player. Let's begin. Sean, how are you today?

SA: I was a lot better before you started insulting me but --

Tracy: Oh deal with it Avery. Is it true that you've recently been suspended for trash-talking an ex-girlfriend?

SA: Yes, but --

Tracy: And is it true that you worked at a girly mag this past summer?

SA: Yes, but --

Tracy: That's kind of lame, don't you think?

SA: Would you shut up for a minute??

::Silence::

SA: What I was trying to say is that working at Vogue got me more tail --

Tracy: Yeah that's great. Let's get to the heart of the situation, shall we?

SA: Uh...?

Tracy: Explain this comment to me, Sean. "I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight."

SA: (Chuckling) It is what it is.

Tracy: So you maintain that stance do you? No backtracking?

SA: Look here Miss Lady, I'm Sean Avery. I don't go back on anything I say. Remember the playoffs last year?

Tracy: No.

SA: Oh. ... Well, let me refresh your memory, ok? I was the dude blocking Brodeur with my hands. MY HANDS! I'm that guy! I don't take anything back. That's not how studs roll.

Tracy: ...

SA: You know what I mean?

Tracy: Not really, no. But I do have one last question for you before I choke the life out of you bid you farewell.

SA: Hit me with your best shot.

Tracy: Don't tempt me.

SA: No. I mean, you know what I mean.

Tracy: My last question, Mr. Avery...

::Pause::

Tracy: True or false.

SA: Ok...?

Tracy: The hooker and the little black book?

Read More......

Avery Rules

I just wanted to come out and say, even though I’m a Ranger fan, I find what Sean Avery did on Sunday night against the Devils unbelievable and in poor taste. I clearly think the “correct” option would be to kick Avery out of the league because of this thoughtless and rude act.

Brodeur was perfectly justified in his shots to Avery’s groin with the stick, and to Avery’s face with his glove. I would have done the same thing. Brodeur, after all, is a perfect example of class. He never over exaggerates (thus is never unsportsmanlike). He takes tiny bumps like a man. Why Avery decided to treat Martin Brodeur, one of the most respected goaltenders in the league, with such disrespect, I will never understand.



The Devils in general, have led the way in class with this series in particular. Parise and Langenbrunner didn’t throw their sticks in the hallway out of anger over an icing call (which, sarcasm aside, was clearly a wrong call). Madden didn’t follow the refs, screaming his brains out. There isn’t a recorded clip of a Devil yelling to Ryan Callahan “You’re a F---ing B----,” that was shown on the VS telecast. Lundqvist hasn’t received snow shower after snow shower. That’s why I feel so bad for Marty. Avery won’t leave him alone, but no one is crashing Lundqvist’s net.

That was clearly the most embarrassing thing that could have happened to the NHL. Chris Simon’s hit on Ryan Hollweg doesn’t hold a candle to what Avery displayed on that 5-on-3. It was clearly childish and immature.

In hockey, there are some unwritten rules that everyone in the league, besides Sean Avery, follow. This is because hockey players are held in such high regard for their class, on and off the ice. Hockey players don’t throw late checks. They don’t board or charge opposing players. They never –ever- lead with their elbows. Hockey players NEVER use their stick or their skates as a weapon. I have personally never seen a hockey player take a cheap shot and go for the knees. Hockey players may fight, but they fight gracefully. No one ever sucker punches. There is no history of players jumping into stands, fighting fans. This doesn’t exist in this perfect hockey world.

This is the thing I hate about Sean Avery, and the reason I wish he was off my team even though he happens to lead the team in postseason goals. Avery doesn’t go for knees. He doesn’t lead with his elbows. He isn’t called for boarding (any more often than the next guy). He does it with his mouth. His facial expressions. He waves his stick.

I applaud the NHL for taking immediate action. Clearly, this is so important this needed to be taken care of right away, regardless of the fact that we’re in the middle of a playoff series, and that this is probably just an isolated incident. Thank God the NHL had the audacity to change the rules half way through a playoff run. Otherwise, we’d have to deal with Sean Avery screening a goaltender while facing him and waving his stick in his face, for at least another three games. ::shudder:: The horror!!!

Mark Recchi said he wouldn’t do what Avery did, even to win game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals. I know the great hockey men in the hall would agree. Mark Messier and Scott Stevens come to mind. They wanted to win, but they wouldn’t do ANYTHING to win. Very clean players, those two. Eric Lindros would vouch for it.

I know changing rules in the middle of a playoff series probably could get some people annoyed, and they would say the proper way to go about this would be to wait until the off season, and then discuss this with the board of governors and the Player’s Association. But this needed action, and it needed action immediately. And we all thought Bertuzzi and Simon were the disgraces to the league! I would add Pronger, but he doesn’t MEAN to step on people on purpose. No real talented defensemen would do that.

The moral here is that Sean Avery is a bad man. He is the most overrated despite his team-leading three goals! and hated despite not playing to hurt like some other players do player in the league, with good reason. Kick Sean Avery out of the league and return this mid-season rule-changing league to dignity!

Argue with me all you want. Sean Avery deserves his own rule for facing a goalie to screen him. Plus, I really like the new rule. I don’t think you should be able to screen a goalie if you’re not trying to make a play even though Hockey 101 teaches children to screen the goaltender. In fact, let’s take screening out all together.

I can’t wait until someone gets called for this new penalty! And we all know who it will be because the rule is made especially and only for him, and if someone else actually gets called for it, I'll be floored.

Thank you, Canadian media, for again blowing everything out of proportion. And thank you, NHL. America will respect you even more than they already do read: they don't for your random rule changing and overreacting to what is probably an isolated incident.

Read More......

Avery's Hooked

Unless you live under a rock, you know that New York State was just in the middle of serious political disarray when Governor Elliot Spitzer was forced to resign after allegations that he was involved in a prostitution scandal, with implications of possible money laundering and other serious criminal activities. I *apple* New York and all, but our state is one large political mess, and this is the icing on the cake for a state who hasn't passed their budget on time 20 out of the past 21 years.

If you watched the nationally televised game between the Rangers and the Penguins today, don't listen to Mike Milbury who is still on the Islanders payroll and who obviously has a problem with the Rangers. The biggest news coming out of Ranger camp has nothing to do with Jagr's inevitable return to the Russian Hockey League. Instead, it focuses on Sean Avery and his alleged involvement in a prostitution ring; in fact, one of the prostitution rings connected to Elliot Spitzer.

Sean Avery? In the middle of a biggest sexual political scandal since ... probably not too long ago, actually. But you catch my drift.

And I'm not shocked.

If this was any other player, this would be a horrifying scandal. An embarrassment to the Rangers, and to the National Hockey League. Most people, if confronted by news media that they were involved with a prostitute, not to mention one that helped destroy the political career of a governor... they would be quite defensive, or embarrassed, or annoyed.

Not Avery.

Avery laughed of the allegations as if they were nothing. “I certainly have a lot of enemies, I know that,” Avery stated, as if to say someone else put his name in the black book of Kristen Davis. “But I do know if I was ever to venture into one of these establishments, I wouldn’t use my own name. I think that would probably be stating the obvious.” But Sean, you're a famous athlete, and prostitutes are necessarily stupid. Your picture is an easy google-search away. “It certainly could be a tri-state player that maybe started this whole conspiracy theory.” Ok, now he's reaching. But blame it on Brodeur and maybe he'll go 12-0 against the Rangers this year- (and yes, that's including the post-season. I am now convinced the Rangers and the Devils will go 4 and 5 in the East, leading to a first round Ranger-Devil series I am scared to death of).

But I'm going to believe Avery (as long as he quits going offsides so often). The lawyer for Kristen Davis has come out and said that it is untrue that Sean Avery's name was in the black book, and why should I dispute that? And if it was true, he'd probably be a bit more upset about it.

This whole thing doesn't bother me... unless it affects Avery's play. Which of course it will. Only, unlike every other player in the NHL, this will just make him play better. Because that's how Sean Avery rolls.

And apparently this has earned him a handful of nicknames around Ranger-ville. And if this increases team chemistry and leads to *gasp* 16 wins in the post-season, I'll hire his next hooker.

(Quotes from http://rangers.lohudblogs.com/2008/03/29/sean-avery-says-he-doesnt-need-to-pay-for-it/And as a disclaimer, that part about me hiring Avery's next hooker was a joke.)

Goodnight all, and see you tomorrow at 7 on Versus when the Rangers try their hand at revenge against the Penguins after today's inability to shut down Hossa, Malkin and Crosby. Or, they could get embarrassed on national TV... again!

X-Posted to Some Like It Blue

Read More......