Jonathan Roy The Rapper!!

Yes, it's true, baby Roy is a rapper, you can check his music out on his myspace page....at least he's pretty.
x-posted to Bethany's Hockey Rants

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Goalies: Hello My Name Is...

If you've reviewed the list of NHL goaltenders, I'm sure you've noticed a pattern.

Kristin, the Ookies and I have commented on it among ourselves several times. Sherry, maybe it has occurred to you as well. Cat, I'm sure you've noticed it tonight.

• Philadelphia goalie: Martin "Marty" Biron
• New Jersey goalie: Martin "Marty" Brodeur
• Ottawa goalie: Martin Gerber
• Dallas goalie: Marty Turco

It's been especially hard for the Flyers-Devils rivalry. Consider the additional coincidences:

• Both our Marty's last names start with "B."
• They are both French Canadian.

All of this leads me to the following plea to Canadian parents (Swiss ones, too, in Gerber's case):

Please, for the love of heaven, if your son's name is Martin/Marty (or any other spelling variant of "Marty") and he is a goalie, have him use his middle name! Let's try for diversity, folks. :)

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The New Best Player On My Team

Looking for his biggest fan, Steph, in the stands...

I present to you the top five reasons I think Mikko Koivu is becoming the best player on the Wild:
5.) He wins faceoffs. A lot of faceoffs, and this is something the Wild have been severely lacking in.

4.) He actually works hard. Hear that Gaborik? Hard work. Foreign words to you, I know.

3.) Koivu is carrying on the Finnish tradition on the Wild of being good at shoot outs. Dude has moves. Hopefully Backstrom will carry on the tradition on the other end of the spectrum.

2.) He's future captain material. I can really see him becoming a leader on this team. He's mature, thoughtful, and clearly has good genes.

1.) He plays a lot of games. He's rarely hurt (yet again, I'm looking at you, Gaborik) unless he gets karate chopped with a stick (to throw in a MN term, Paul Bunyan style!) by a douchy, probably jealous player from the other team. My mom alway did say that Swedes and Finns don't like each other...

Honorable mention reason: he doesn't take any crap, and is even showing signs of being feisty.

Added bonus for the ladies: cute!

Mikko Koivu is becoming a really good all around player. Michael Russo of the Minneapolis Star Tribune said that the more comfortable he he becomes off the ice, the more comfortable he has seemed on it. I completely agree. He started to learn the language and come out of his shell, and he is blossoming into a franchise-type player, and one I hope we will have a long time beyond his current four-year deal.
Yes, this was a bit of an attack on Gaborik, but in order to be the best player on the team, you actually have to play once in a while. He has skills, but he's not as well-rounded as Mikko.

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Out of My Mind. Be Back in a Couple of Months

Just as a disclaimer, this is probably not a relevant post in any way shape or form. It is also cross-posted to Scarlett Ice!

School has been driving me up a padded wall lately and I've sort of been having the week from heck for all sorts of different reasons. Ideally, the break in the Senators' schedule gives me time to focus on my academics for awhile but it's actually had the reverse effect.

I'm going crazy; I'm stressing out to the point where my hair is probably falling out at a rate reminescent to Marge Simpson's in that Sherry Bobbins episode (which is a personal favourite of mine because you know, my name is 'Sherry' and all). Normally, I would turn to hockey to calm me down but unfortunately my boys are exiled to the Muskokan woods until Saturday. The Senators have this weird calming effect on me. In losing situations where my boys tank dramatically I incur another type of stress altogether but the effects of those are arguably less permanent.

But I'm a hockey fan first, and luckily there's still plenty hockey left to calm my spirits and bring me back to sanity, or the closest that I am to it on a normal basis. I don't think about homework or anything else when I'm watching hockey (occassionally when I'm listening to it since I'm doing homework at the same time). I'm also not an athlete in any way shape or form so it's a nice form of escapism for me.

Part of the stress comes from the fact that I don't have time to de-stress. The time I spend on hockey will inevitably take up time I should be using towards meeting deadlines and finishing assignments. I'm normally notoriously meticulous when it comes to planning my days around Senators games. Whenever the TV broadcast schedules come out, I write them down in my agenda and plan my deadlines and homework around them. I was nearing on an academia-induced panic attack today and the first thing I thought about was how badly I needed to watch a hockey game where somebody gets wallpapered into the boards or Spezza makes an impossible pass to Heatley to calm me down or Alfie somehow alludes 3-defencemen to score a goal.

Make no mistake, I don't profess to be an expert on hockey. Really, there are a ton of things about the sport I've yet to learn and a lot of things I should know but I haven't cared to learn. I do know--and excuse me if this sounds corny, that I love it. And in the end, as a fan that's all you can really do.

I also know that I have a pair of headphones and YouTube and NHL TV readily available so I'll find a way to make the 10 hours I have to spend on campus tolerable. Somehow.

I also have in my wallet a pocket-sized Hamilton Bulldogs schedule. February 29th, 2008 is Carey Price Bobblehead night. Isn't it awesome that we have a February 29th? Cam Ward can finally celebrate his birthday! (And I'm not stealing more than one bobblehead for anybody. You know who you are).

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Jordi hates the Habs - in a different way.

I’m copying this from my blog to the HLOG. Lazy? Yes. But am I the admin? Yes.

Jordi knows she’s been busy – it’s the NHL’s fault for their unfortunate schedule problems. Nonetheless the Habs are a bunch of freaking pornstars, you get the blowing and the sucking and the climax ends with a bit of dodgy music and a cheap whore at the door.

Anyway yes, I’m trying my hardest to use Habs every day. For example recently, this conversation took place:

Jordi: FUCK SHIT NO FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Friend: What’s the matter? The Habs lose? The Oilers suck?
Jordi: Nah I forgot to enrol to vote. But yes that too.

However it’s hard for me to tell me about games that I’m having so much fucking trouble listening to. And all I can say is – blame the Mac. The thing which Windows XP crapped out on and all that the Mac does is act as a wankstain on my lap. But the Mac’s alright, it’s just that hockey hates me.

Such as ruining my luck with people I meet who may potentially be “My new hockey friend”.

It always started with me checking up on my dear habs at canadiens.com, where my friend exclaimed, “dude it’s CANADIANS. With an A”. I told her not to worry and was enjoying myself and she started bugging me some more “Why is it with an E? Oh my god, have I been spelling it wrong all the time?”. Now let me introduce “guy sitting next to us on the other computer”, let’s call him Exhibit A. He leant over and informed my friend “It’s French, the Montreal Canadiens”. And with a cute accent that would make every girl take their pants off – up until they saw his face. But who cared, he could’ve been a Habs fan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately that day I wasn’t in the right state of mind. As my friend inquired with Exhibit A “So you speak French?” he replied with “Oui (insert random French onhohoho) French Toast”. And at that point I thought it would be funny to tease him and go “You’re so sexy.”

Queue awkward silence.

Queue me explaining it was a joke from a hit TV show named Friends (In my defense it WAS. And if you were any of my friends you would know I joke about it ALL the time).

Queue me burying my foot into my mouth.

And that was boys and girls, how I single-handedly destroy every chance of hockey socialising. I still haven’t gone up and karate-chopped the friend-of-a-friend who turns out is a Canucks fan so my chances are still good.

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HLOG Fantasy Teams II

Here's the deal, it's been sitting in my head. We have 12 teams like the last league. Except this one you don't play to win. You play to lose. Capische? Alright here's how it works. Everyone's players have to be selected from the top yahoo list. So if it's D-men, you have to pick from the top 48-50 d-men suggested by yahoo. And so forth. However the person with the least points win the league, as opposed to the person with the most points.

So you put your claim of "my team will so suck" to the test, and we'll get ourselves a hoot of a league. And the winner/loser will get a free shirt. I dunno.

If you're in, sign your name in the comments!

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A short message from your friendly preseason hockey HLOGette.

So I'm tired as hell and all I want to do this morning was to kick back in the computer lab hidden from the teacher and listening to a quality feed of hockey. Luckily Centre Ice wasn't a full whore and decided to comply. So with sound and video, what was I to do but join in with some quality commentating with our dear co-HLOGer, Caps Chick.

Of course the final part of it went a little like this:
[10:25] Jordi: THIS IS BULLSHIT
[10:25] Jordi: FUN THE SENS
[10:25] Jordi: RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EAR!
[10:25] Caps Chick: FUN THE SENS?
[10:25] Jordi: FUCK THEM
[10:25] Caps Chick: hahahaha
[10:25] Caps Chick: got it
[10:25] Jordi: THEY'LL HAVE FUN
[10:25] Jordi: BECAUSE THEY LIKE
[10:25] Jordi: TAKING IT UP THE ASS

Apart from that ugly moment, I assure you that our commentary was fairly biased. Caps Chick has a habit of betraying her Sens sympathy and I have to pick up the slack there in intense Sens hatred (I am a Habs fan, we think we're better than anyone in the North-East division).

It started with our regular constant praise of Olie the goalie, the stonewalling man of steel, that studly greek god of all net minders, the... you get the point. We launched into who Ovie would destroy first. I suggested Emery before reminding myself that Gerber baby was starting - so it would be him and then Emery. Alongside that, when Ovie got his own penalty, we started a great rendition of "BULLSHIT!". Caps Chick was vocal about her Brooks, reminding me every moment he appeared on the camera. I can almost still hear a voice at night screaming "Brooks! Brooks! Brooks!". It was alright since later in intermission, when the camera panned to a beautiful generous shot of their little backup named Neuvirth, all I could get out was "NEUUUUUUUU" before passing out from his overwhelming intensity (and that gorgeous fructis emo hair) in chewing gum.

When I came to, the game took a break to give us a sample of what Centre Ice ads would be like. The consensus? Wow, a whole lot of lame. We were rather stunned by the ads, Caps Chick providing her thoughts ("WHAT. THE. FUCK. WAS. THAT?"). In her defense, she mentions: "cold medicine is fun - everything is fucking hilarious to me now". In relation to many great Gerber saves, I scream "Damn you Volchenkov! You bastard whore! Go play for a real team!".

Our celebrations were big and happy, almost as if it were the playoffs and they were fighting for conference finals. Either that or Caps Chick's hand in marriage.

And this was me in a silent computer lab; I was the only one giggling like a kid forgetting to take her pills.

Alas, the game didn't end as planned and we had a couple of mean things to say but it's pretty much it. We had a kickass time and provided the best commentary.

So maybe we should make this preseason a more fun thing. I know blogs provide a game day post with comments but I like the personal aim program with no refresh needed. So any kid with spare time should hit us up, either me (gunstress@gmail.com) or any available chica on AIM (add your screen name in the comments), and we can make a group chat a la movie night.

We'll rock preseason!

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A side promise of myself.

I'm not afraid to say that I absolutely suck at skating. So much that I have little trouble posting photos of me sucking. So that's it boys, your shitty rink may own me over and over again but I'm not giving up. My friends tell me that some amateur lessons may be in order. Unfortunately, I'm giving the big finger to lessons and going to learn how to stop gravity from getting the better of me alone. I'm going to spend my days and shame by myself so you know - I'm that kid who's stubborn but secretly cries herself at night for her folly.

But can I stand it? My knees can only turn black and yellow so much. And I used to tell myself that my schedule could take it but social life and studies threatened me.

So here's what's up shitty rink and shitty ice and my shitty skating: everytime the Habs win, I go skating once a week. Of course the Habs play more than once a week - so I'll just save it for the next week. So I may end up skating the whole year, and I did consider making the deal with the Oilers instead but... They're Oilers. I'm very doubtful this will work, and I might take breaks. But you know, I'd like to be optimistic.

So what should I do? Am I just insane?

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