Mike Comrie, what can I say? You're dating Hilary Duff, which proves you have no taste, and you play for the Islanders, which...ah... sorta speaks for itself.
But really, to give your almost-barely-not-quite-there-yet 20-year old girlfriend of 3 months a MERCEDES? It's not like she doesn't make enough money being questionably talented to buy it herself. And what are you going to buy her for CHRISTMAS? Another car? The Mercedes factory? All of Germany?
All I have to ask is this: Please, Mike Comrie, for the love of all that is holy, please do not get Hilary Duff a wedding ring to top the car. If you marry Hilary Duff and produce offspring, I believe those children would open up a veritable rift in the Canadian Hockey Space-Time Continuum and all the ice in the world would cease to exist.
And you wouldn't do that to the hockey fans, would you, Mike Comrie?
Friday, September 21, 2007
Mikey likes it!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Two things...
ONE: rumor has it that A.O. has started his own blog here. From a cursory overview, just with the layout and because it's a paid account and all, I could believe it's him, as I doubt a wacko fan would go to even THAT much trouble. I'm just watching to see if he starts scoping out LJ communities on himself, because oh, the scandals we could make out of that. Especially if he finds the repositories of hockey slash I'm pretty sure are floating out there somewhere.
TWO: Late congrats to Ryan Malone who got married at some point in the near past. Supposedly (and although I tried to be a good internet pseudostalker and find the wedding pictures I couldn't find them to verify this) much of Abby Malone's wedding album is her 'getting ready' in her underwear. But damn, they're cute together. However, if I ever look at you, or don't look at you, or are in your general vicinity, and you hear me say "Man, it would be great if someone could take pictures of my dimply white butt in my underwear on my wedding day." PLEASE, for the love of god, make sure somebody kills the robot, and start checking closets for the real me?
Srsly, though, can I ask what is it with hockey players and straight haired skinny blondes? At least this one's not orange (or a color of grey that reads immediately as orange) but what's wrong with an entirely average looking person with a decent personality? Why can't a hockey player marry Velvet D'Amour? Or at least a Bettina? At the very least, take a Kate to a big event once in a while?
Sheesh. I don't think dating a pinup model is TOO much to be asking from you boys.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
** I can't get a title to show up on this post. Will try adding one later.**
I always enjoy the creative challenges most here at HLOG. It feeds into what most of you recognize as my almost disassociative penchant for the fantastic. It was a while ago that Jordi challenged us to fix our favorite NHL players with a celebrity girlfriends. I've already done so, countless times in my head, so I am only pleased to bring you into that terrifying place. Following in the tradition of former captain Alexei Yashin, who wooed a raw food-loving Mrs Robinson of his own, my adored Islanders shall all be fixed up with Carol Alt's washed-up model bretheren.
Brendan Witt & Naomi Campbell- Could there ever be a more attractively violent pair? Imagine fights with these two! Rabbit punches and cell phone beatings over programming the TiVo. Daily trips to the tattoo parlor. And a weekly weave exchange. Ah, it would be beautiful.
Mike Sillinger & Karolina Kurkova- Karolina Kurkova is 23 and looks 54. If Sillie matches up with the rode-hard-put-up-wet Kurkova, he will seem daisy-fresh and smooth.
Wade Dubielewicz & Emme- I don't know. I just picture Dubie as a chubby-chaser. I think he appreciates a little more to love.
Marc-Andre Bergeron & Janice Dickinson- Both play fast and loose. Both score a lot after taking a whole lot of hard shots. Both are have no defense when it comes to hulking players. MAB and the World's First Supermodel would make a tremendous pair.
Radek Martinek & Elle MacPherson- I like Martinek and I want to see him get some play. His body is always failing him, so wouldn't it be nice to have The Body nursing him back to health?
Miroslav Satan & Linda Evangelista- Ms Evangelista once remarked that she wouldn't get out of bed for less than $10,000. I feel like my friend Miro buys into that philosophy. They aslo have matching disturbingly shaped eyebrows.
Mike Comrie & Kathy Ireland- Both are annoying for unknown reasons. I mean Kathy Ireland is pretty, was on Melrose Place, and is a smart businesswoman. I should like her, right? Mike Comrie is fast, can score a lot, and has made a decent career for such a small dude. I should like him, right? But I don't really like either. So maybe if they join forces, they can cancel each other out.
Chris Simon & Tyra Banks- Despite gifting the world with the greatest television show currently on the air, Tyra Banks may just be one of the most annoying people who has ever lived. I'm only pairing her with Chris Simon because he is violent. And if Tyra were to pantomime copping a squat (as she did on a recent talk show appearance) I feel that Chris Simon would probably put a stop to it with a well-time thunderous check or a swift blow to the weave.
Rick DiPietro & Christie Brinkley- Ricky D already has a handsome model girlfriend. But just picture him with the stubbornly ageless Isles fan Christie Brinkley. Together, they'd fry your eyeballs with their collective beauty. Both are devoted to Long Island and both slept with Billy Joel. It's a perfect match.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Creative Challege: Hollywood meets the NHL
(I know, I'm posting today like I have Tourette's)
So, I couldnt help but take Jordi's advice and make this into a full post. Cause, well....its damn funny. Make up some of your own and I am re-posting a couple I made up before:
1) Sheldon Souray and Carmen Electra. Because it would piss off that minor Baywatch Star he is off/on with and only Carmen Electra could match a guy who wears this. I mean, they match!
Ilya Kovalchuk and his non-celebrity
girlfriend. I think dude needs to meet
Meryl Streep.
2) Mike Comrie and Dina Lohan. Both sleazy. And I just have this feeling that Comrie looooves older women. I can just see him in a silk shirt and a gold chain, taking shots of Malibu with the Orange Oprah.
3) Mike Keenan and Dr. Ruth. Two words: anger management.
4) Ray Emery and Fergie. G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S. And flossy.
5) Evgeni Malkin and Paris Hilton. See #10.
6) Ed Belfour and Tara Reid. I can just see the conversation now:
Ed: Tara, have you seen my Cialis?
Tara: Oops, I thought they were my Valtrex and I took them.
7) Mike Fisher and Britney Spears. He can show her the way to salvation, and she can show him her...well, I guess anyone can see that on PerezHilton.com. Maybe he can just buy her some underwear?
8) Sean Avery and Star Jones. A hot mess.
9) Mike Modano and ANYONE but Willa Ford. I would rather have Mike Modano marry a gorilla. At least they could have an intelligent conversation. Ca-ching! Folks, I'm here all week.
10) Dion Phaneuf and Lindsay Lohan. Because I can completely see her in one of those little red t-shirts, flashing the TV and screaming "Let me lick your stick Dion!" at the camera while promoting her newest movie that is targeted at 6-10 year olds.
11) And my favorite: Sidney Crosby and Pamela Anderson. They could be nice to pets together and go to PETA meetings (you know Sid has got to have some pet bunnies named Flora and Fauna at home) and Pam could teach Sid about girls. Yes Sid, girls. And no, Uncle Mario never has to know.
Monday, June 25, 2007
New Creative Challenge: Does the NHL have a girlfriend?
Thanks to Shmee, we have a new idea for our creative challenge. Mostly because she wowed me over with:
"Rod Brind'Amour should date Carol Alt since they both love working out, and she can teach him some fashion sense so he never wears an outfit like that to the NHL awards again. Plus, that means she can dump Yashin, hopefully emotionally scarring him enough that he doesnt attempt to play hockey ever again"So put your spin on the NHL celebrity gossip game, make it up a little. Or you could claim to be reporting on a secret relationship which would never happen but maybe would teach a couple of bastards a thing or two about having a heart.
Whenever you're ready. Read More......
