Tuesday, July 10, 2007

** I can't get a title to show up on this post. Will try adding one later.**

I always enjoy the creative challenges most here at HLOG. It feeds into what most of you recognize as my almost disassociative penchant for the fantastic. It was a while ago that Jordi challenged us to fix our favorite NHL players with a celebrity girlfriends. I've already done so, countless times in my head, so I am only pleased to bring you into that terrifying place. Following in the tradition of former captain Alexei Yashin, who wooed a raw food-loving Mrs Robinson of his own, my adored Islanders shall all be fixed up with Carol Alt's washed-up model bretheren.

Brendan Witt & Naomi Campbell- Could there ever be a more attractively violent pair? Imagine fights with these two! Rabbit punches and cell phone beatings over programming the TiVo. Daily trips to the tattoo parlor. And a weekly weave exchange. Ah, it would be beautiful.

Mike Sillinger & Karolina Kurkova- Karolina Kurkova is 23 and looks 54. If Sillie matches up with the rode-hard-put-up-wet Kurkova, he will seem daisy-fresh and smooth.

Wade Dubielewicz & Emme- I don't know. I just picture Dubie as a chubby-chaser. I think he appreciates a little more to love.

Marc-Andre Bergeron & Janice Dickinson- Both play fast and loose. Both score a lot after taking a whole lot of hard shots. Both are have no defense when it comes to hulking players. MAB and the World's First Supermodel would make a tremendous pair.

Radek Martinek & Elle MacPherson- I like Martinek and I want to see him get some play. His body is always failing him, so wouldn't it be nice to have The Body nursing him back to health?

Miroslav Satan & Linda Evangelista- Ms Evangelista once remarked that she wouldn't get out of bed for less than $10,000. I feel like my friend Miro buys into that philosophy. They aslo have matching disturbingly shaped eyebrows.

Mike Comrie & Kathy Ireland- Both are annoying for unknown reasons. I mean Kathy Ireland is pretty, was on Melrose Place, and is a smart businesswoman. I should like her, right? Mike Comrie is fast, can score a lot, and has made a decent career for such a small dude. I should like him, right? But I don't really like either. So maybe if they join forces, they can cancel each other out.

Chris Simon & Tyra Banks- Despite gifting the world with the greatest television show currently on the air, Tyra Banks may just be one of the most annoying people who has ever lived. I'm only pairing her with Chris Simon because he is violent. And if Tyra were to pantomime copping a squat (as she did on a recent talk show appearance) I feel that Chris Simon would probably put a stop to it with a well-time thunderous check or a swift blow to the weave.

Rick DiPietro & Christie Brinkley- Ricky D already has a handsome model girlfriend. But just picture him with the stubbornly ageless Isles fan Christie Brinkley. Together, they'd fry your eyeballs with their collective beauty. Both are devoted to Long Island and both slept with Billy Joel. It's a perfect match.

7 comments:

KMS2 said...

I just picture Dubie as a chubby-chaser

I don't even know what Dubie looks like but I still think that statement is hilarious.

Tyra is out of control! Someone needs to put her in her place.

CapsChick said...

I'm not sure which one I enjoy more, the Witt-Campbell match or the Simon-Banks one. What can I say, I love my former Caps even when I hate them.

The thought of Brendan Witt hurling a cell phone at Naomi Campbell's head made me laugh for about 5 minutes, by the way.

Jordi said...

Or Comrie & Ireland would make a mini Pronger and Lauren Pronger. And that is terrifying within itself.

Isleschick said...

Believe it or not Wade Dubielewicz's myspace is open and there are pictures of his wife all over it. Chubby she is not, blonde..oh yes she is. :)

Interchangeable Parts said...

I can't wait for Chris Simon's celebrity appearance on ANTM next season. Wouldn't it be great for Tyra to include her one and only in the annual b/w editorial Trya-shot photo challenge?

Britannia said...

Could Kathy Ireland sustain that terrifying shade of Lauren Pronger orange?

aquietgirl said...

I can't believe how chubby Wade Dubiecfsdfsdfds is. He gives Martin Brodeur a run for his money.