Friday, July 20, 2007

HLOG Singles Craziness: kms2 and her wonderful taken life.

It seems that through all the HLOG emails of “pick me!” I’ve been resorting to a top hat and a couple of scribbled names. However there was a reason that our Kings girl kms2 was restrained against her will. While I’m sure some of you boys are more than happy to live it up with a girl from LA, be careful; she’s taken.

Now why is she still here? Sitting here and answering these questions? Well in the applications, it caught our eye that Kaoru was in a relationship but HLOG-gers usually received a ring on the 2nd date – something our Kings girl has yet to anticipate. To explore why this unusual phenomenon was occurring, I took out my little Nancy Drew and Famous Five novels and decided to ask her the questions we needed answers.

Kaoru is definitely the LA girl of your dreams, she fears her google wielding mother and had Mike Cammalleri once apologise to her. Born and bred in LA (in the less shitty sides which she assures me), she shares with us the trials of being the new young hip Kings girl better than Elisha Cuthbert.

Living in Palos Verdes, she admits to HLOG, “this is the type of LA that I love. Sort of relaxed, great weather. On the other hand, I absolutely hate having to drive into downtown LA or Hollywood. Traffic is a nightmare.”

So, what about the Mike Cammalleri incident?

K: Me and a couple friends were visiting another friend and we passed by a house where a guy was getting into his car and it looked like he was going to run us over. But he got out of his car (a white Mercedes) and he had sunglasses on and he apologized for making it seem like he was about to run us over. And I wasn't paying much attention to him and about five strides later it hit me that he sounded EXACTLY like Cammalleri. I spun around but he was gone. I told my friend who lived there and the next day he emailed me saying he saw the guy unload a ton of hockey sticks from his car.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*

[Jordi Note: Seriously, what I said]

K: I wish I had paid more attention because I actually had my camera with me too

So you have a boyfriend, describe him to us.

K: Okay, lemme try. He’s about Briere’s size.

Does he dive a lot?

K: No, he’s a man!

I’m sure he could be good at it.

K: I'm actually not sure he's ever been ice-skating because he's from New Orleans. I suggested that we go ice-skating at a really small indoor rink near where I grew up and he was shocked that we had rinks. At times he has a mouth like Avery, but just not to me!

So you’re the Elisha Cuthbert to his Avery?

K: I once wrote a post about Avery being traded away from the kings and I described Avery as "my douchey, cocky white guy" and he was jealous because he said that he's my douchey cocky white guy. So I had to remind him that he's not douchey nor cocky to me.

How would you rate the Arena?

K: It would be a 9 or 10 but the tickets are really expensive and so is the beer and food. My boyfriend read somewhere that the prices at Staples Center are the highest of all NHL arenas. Other than that it's great because it's fairly new.

Good for a date?

K: My boyfriend got me tickets to the Robitaille Jersey Retirement game. So that was kind of like a date.

Now, Sean Avery begs to come back to the kings, and he misses there what with his girlfriend being unable to dress herself properly* otherwise. But the condition is that JMFJ will have to go take a hike. Your response?

[Jordi note: We spent a while talking about how Elisha Cuthbert is an annoying girl and a couple cans short of a six pack, and all that. That and she has a lot of trouble dressing herself. It does sound evil but you soon realize, maybe he does deserve her.]

K: Oh hell no! JMFJ stays! I don't like Avery that much. JMFJ is younger, hotter, and in a couple years will be cockier and a better fighter.

But then your boyfriend goes “You know what… I kinda like Avery”, what then?

K: Well, I think he already does. But then I would tell him that he has to like JMFJ. And then he would listen because when it comes to hockey he almost always listens to me. I think the only hockey thing we disagree on is Bertuzzi. I think it's ok that he's still in the league (which doesn't mean that I actually like the guy) but my boyfriend HATES him and thinks he should never be allowed to play in the NHL.

So Bert’s the mood breaker? Like in the middle of a romantic dinner, someone walks past going “How bout that Bert?”

K: He would probably lose his shit!!! Unless I know that I'm absolutely right, I don't really care to argue, so it's okay that we disagree on Bert since who knows what the right punishment is for him

Is that why you guys can't settle to taking the next step? Would it better if Bert were to be removed from ... the face of the earth?

K: No, he's probably just trying to make sure he wants to live with my stubbornness for the rest of his life.

So Bert’s the stubborn hurdle? On the other hand, what’s the Steve Moore – the thing that is brought up which just kills everything?

K: Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe when he brings up that he hates LA. I've given up even paying attention when he utters the words "I hate LA". We almost never fight because that's pretty much how our arguments unfold. One of us will just start screaming out random words or an argument that we hear on TV shows that have nothing to do with our argument.

So what’s a good night?

K: When I don't fall asleep before 9pm. In addition to that, probably just a beer, good food, and a good TV show or movie. I've become quite lame after college. But as soon as I lean my head on the arm of the couch, I’m out.

What would be the best hockey thing that would happen in your life?

K: First: if the Kings win the Cup (which is a long shot right now, I know.)
Second: Running into JMFJ while I'm wearing his shirt and I have my camera with me to document the encounter
Third: meeting Luc Robitaille

What, no player deaths?

K: Maybe Pronger or Corey Perry. Perry is such a weenie.

So who are the [edited] quality players you admire in the NHL?

K: I'll give you a couple, Vinny Lecavalier. He's just too hot to pass up. A couple weeks ago I would have said Chris Drury, but not anymore!! Probably also JMFJ, but I'm guessing that I would have to write my name on the waiting list. I guess that's it for now. I can't think of anyone else. I'm pretty selective.

Chris Drury?

K: But he seems so quiet and mysterious. I like to think that he's private because he's hiding something.

Maybe he has a secret stamp collection.

K: Aww don't ruin it for me!

What’s your girliest/dressiest piece of clothing & jewellery?

K: The past couple years I've been into pearls. And my mom found a great jewelry/pearl shop where she likes to buy gifts for family members. So every Xmas and birthday for the past couple years I've been getting pearl earrings or necklaces. I hate wearing skirts but yesterday I bought two pencil skirts so now I'm determined to be girlier and look more professional at work.

Do you think that the NHL should make better clothes for women?

K: YES! I was actually on the crapper (sic) this morning thinking about how to create an online petition demanding RBK to create better women's clothing. I really want a shirt that has the logo on the front and the player’s number and name on the back. I searched online for hours looking for any website that sold them in women's sizes or even youths. But only men’s cause they're so damn special*.

[Jordi note: COMPLETELY agree. The NHL are stupid fucks for making womens sizes limited to peddling their crappy pink goods. We demand an explanation! Even if it is “sorry boss, we ain’t got enough sweatshops.”]

What are the romantic songs you love?

K: When I was in 7th grade I was really into Boyz 2 Men. Nowadays? Lady in Red.

While we can’t completely create a reason (or plans) as to why the man won’t hand over the ring, Kaoru was a HLOG singles profile that got snatched too early. And hey, there’s a gazillion of us who are just as exciting (or maybe have an interesting stamp collection)! Need a profile? Drop me a line at the regular ol’ email.

9 comments:

Earl Sleek said...

First: if the Kings win the Cup (which is a long shot right now, I know.)

You should try it! It's fun!

Nice profile. Glad to see you don't want Bertuzzi in a body bag.

KMS2 said...

Haha! I was beginning to think you were never going to post it!

Earl:...no comment.

Tracy said...

That was just fun! I forgot about these things for a moment and when I first started reading I was wondering what the hell you were talking about... it took me a couple tries. LOL!

Shan said...

I don't even understand what this post is or more importantly WHY it is.

Rinslet said...

Hehe. I'd take JMFJ over Avery anytime. :DDD how can anyone not love JMFJ??

KMS2 said...

Shan, you obviously didn't read Steph's interview.

Jordi said...

It's really more of an offseason distraction in order for us all to learn about each other more. There's no actual match making or male grabbing involved.

Elly said...

Hear hear on the womens' clothing! I wanted a shirt with a big honkin' logo on the front that wasn't pink...and I ended up buying a child's large and it doesn't fit well at all. What's wrong with just plain womens' regular clothing?

Bitchany said...

Yes womens clothing!! And, JMFJ, I like him too and Drury...I feel the same way.