Friday, February 23, 2007

The Mighty Islanders... Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You

Coach Ted Nolan pleads with Brendan Witt to sign with the Islanders

When hockey impresario and local madman Charles Wang (Iron Chef America host Mark Dacascos), on the advice of his imaginary friend Rainbow (Dakota Fanning), hires backup goalie Garth Snow (Val Kilmer) and exiled coach Ted Nolan (Keanu Reeves pictured above) to run his team, the hockey world laughs. But Coach Nolan is determined to make it work. After meeting with the fragile team Captain, Alexei Yashin (Carol Alt, in a gender-bending, Hilary Swank-ian performance) in his cloistered Old Westbury pied-a-terre, he knows he needs to take the pressure off his erstwhile star. He goes to the shoreline surf shack of grizzled defenseman Brendan Witt (Patrick Swayze pictured above) and convinces him to join up. They collect veterans Mike Sillinger (Sylvester Stallone) and Sean Hill (Vinnie Jones) to round out the elder core. At training camp, they clash with cocky young upstarts Bruno Gervais (Marc-Andre Fleury), Chris Campoli (Shia LaBouef), and Jeff Tambellini (Hillary Duff). Can the new coach and GM make their hockey marriage work? Can the new old-guard teach the young guns about teamwork? Will albino winger (St.) Jason Blake (Peter Billingsley) be re-signed? Will bulimic forward Miroslav Satan (the Geico Gecko) battle through his scoring woes? Can the lifetime contract signed by cowboy goalie Rick DiPietro (Tom Welling) hold up through his battle with mental illness or will his torrid romance with local sports producer Margee (Jessica Biel) distract him from winning? Can the Islanders prove to the hockey world that they are not the sideshow they are believed to be? Find out, this spring with "The Mighty Islanders."


Jordi said...

Ahahaha Iron Chef America. Awesome. Plus I'm not against Keanu Reeves.

Ellie said...

can't wait to see the geico gecko's take on satan hahaha

Margee said...

Jordi, who could be against Keanu Reeves?! He pretty.

And Ellie, Satan was the role the gecko was born to play, with the use of prosthetic eyebrows, of course.

The Acid Queen said...

Actually, Hilly was always more Henry Rollins to me. But that could just be me. ;)