Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Slooow hockey days

x-posted to Cap Addiction

Its been a couple of slow hockey days. So, I decided to make up my own news. These would be some good fake headlines to keep me entertained during the off season:

Staal Brothers jump bail: last seen headed toward Mexico, disguised as Amish Schoolgirls

Jeremy Roenick retiring from hockey to become couples therapist; "I'm really a sensitive guy"

Mike Comrie dating Dakota Fanning, "People dont understand that she is really mature for a 12 year-old"

Shane Doan legally adopts Lindsay Lohan, says "We are both misunderstood. I dont even speak French, and she hates coke. Only drinks Pepsi"

Gary Bettman stepping down as NHL head, will star in revival of "Annie, get your gun"

Make up your own in the comments!


Anonymous said...

Cole Harbour Department of Health Reports Mis-Filing of Birth Records: Sidney Crosby Actually 25

Roberto Luongo Drops Toast: World Ends.

Swedish Cloning Project Discovered: Sedin Brothers Actually Same Person

Sidney Crosby Reveals "I'm Gay": Boyfriend Armstrong Dumps Him for Outing.

(AHL) Deryk Engelland admits: "I've Never Been A Good Speller"

Shane Endicott Seen In Tears after 893rd Trade

New Spousal Abuse Center to Open, Kip Brennan to sponsor.

Man, I could keep going... but I shouldn't.

Shmee said...

Ok, those are waaay better then mine. Give us some more1

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Whoops, screwed up my HTML on that last one. Two of us from One Pen, Two Ducks, Three Sabres East got started, here's what we came up with...

(also, mad points to anyone who knows what the name "One Pen, Two Ducks, Three Sabres East" is a complete ripoff of)

Anyway, the headlines:

Briere Gives Up: Lets Natural Orange Skin and Green Hair Show.

Ryan Miller Cuts Hair: Loses Strength

Time travel scandal revealed: Crosby from future, saw all Pens games on tape.

Finnish Naming Scandal: Teemu Selanne Reveals Name Is Really Jack Smith.

Abuisve? He Likes It: Amy Winehouse and Sean Avery an Item.

Finnish Naming Scandal Redux: Ruutu is actually Fred Jones

Ilja Bryzgalov Linguistics Scholar at Oxford: Speaks Eight Languages, None English.

Malkin Smuggled into Greece in Duffel Bag: Admits His Enclosed Space Kink

Sorry, Bryz: Hockey Proven Not Just Game

J.S. Gigure Gets Honorary Physics Degree: Proves Baby and Stanley Cup Can Occupy Same Space And Time

Hockey Experiences Resurgence: Commissioner Attributes to Lack of Dogfighting

Ovechkin Forgoes Hockey To Start Own Fashion Line.

Jordi said...

Love them love them, I'll try some but my creative juices are running dry at the moment.

Elly said...

Amish schoolgirls...oh my.