Friday, April 27, 2007

Facial Hair Friday

I'd like to dedicate this post to Teemu Selanne.

All types of facial hair are represented during the playoffs: the naked face, sparse splattering of hair follicles, grizzly bear, etc. Let’s take a look at the different kinds (from the least amount of hair to the most) and analyze exactly what went wrong.

All photos are courtesy of

I know that the exact same pic was posted not too long ago, but it is the perfect example of the inability of the baby Pens to grow facial hair. They just look so young! Awwww…how cute.

Murray, seriously! C’mon!! Coaches have to partake in the playoff facial hair, too!! Look at Barry Trotz! (see below for the pictures, if you dare look) Don’t even try to convince me that you can’t grow any facial hair. I understand Crosby’s situation, the kid is still in his teens, but you’re ancient, you have to be able to grow at least peach fuzz. Shame on you, Murray, how dare you shave!

Now for the man who gave me the inspiration for this post. I took one look at Selanne in tonight’s game and thought, “Didn’t I see him on Dateline NBC?” He would probably be in the next category except that his creepy moustache qualifies him to be placed in a separate category: sexual predator facial hair. Sadly, I could not find a picture worthy enough to be posted on this blog. I could only find this
picture which barely shows his moustache. But trust me, he does not look good. I admit, Briere is walking the line, but his moustache gives him more of a “Frenchman” look and given his French-Canadian background, I’m going to separate him from Selanne.

Dany Heatley (2nd Round, Game 1) is sporting the ”short stubble” look. This look is OK. Not great, but not bad. There’s not much of it so it’s a bit on the incomplete side. I bet it feels like the roughest grade of sandpaper;props to the lady who can withstand a brush against that face.

I think Trotz has the best worst facial hair. This picture was taken after Nashville was eliminated and I think he did some grooming because it actually looks significantly better than it did while Nashville was still playing. I couldn't believe how he looked so haggard! It’s amazing how a bad beard can turn “clean cut and professional” into “gross and homeless”. During the 1st Round, I shuddered everytime the camera zoomed in on Trotz. By the way, did anyone catch the picture of a SJ fan sitting behind the Nashville bench with a homemade “Barry Trotz Family Tree” poster complete with Shrek and Danny DeVito and other Trotz look alikes?

I really wanted to find a picture of JS Giguere because he pulls off the grizzly bear look the best. However, I came across this picture of Turco and Luongo at the end of the handshake and decided that it deserved to be mentioned. All three of the aforementioned netminders grow fantastic beards. Although JS is not pictured, I would say that his is the best, followed by Turco, and then Luongo slips in at third. I read somewhere (probably on ESPN NHL) that JS immediately shaves it all off once the playoffs are over. Not that I could ever really understand, but yeah, I don’t see how it could be comfortable to grow that thick of a beard and then have to put a mask over your face.

What are your favorite facial hair styles, who should keep it and who should be banned from participating in this playoff tradition? Actually, I don’t think anyone should be banned because then you would think they were super lame like Bryan Murray.


Heather B. said...

I'll have to look around and see if I can find a picture but J.P. Dumont's beard during last year's playoffs was a thing of beauty. Some guys grow beards and still look neat and groomed but J.P. looked like that crazy homeless guy you'd cross the street to avoid at night. It was wild and ragged and it had that thing where it was various colors, some not matching the hair on his head. Amazing. Probably my all-time favorite.

Ryan Miller also looked ridiculously awful last year with his ratty beard and long hair, especially during games when his hair was sweaty and stringy.

The Hecht-Briere-Pominville line has to be the worst facial hair line left. Hecht gets a little fuzzy goatee going but the other two could not grow facial hair if their lives depended on it. Danny will have five little hairs on his chin when all is said and done even if we play into June.

On my team I'm partial to Brian Campbell's fuzzy red beard. Chris Drury gets an awesome beard in very quickly but he looks a little too groomed.

I gotta find some pictures!

Interchangeable Parts said...

Our favorite facial hair choice in the playoffs is the famed "Randito Bandito", named for Randy McKay's artfully grown "Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges" style chopper moustache from 2001. Colin White rocked one last year, and we've been tickled to see Jim Dowd working one so far this year.

We also love the crazed homeless guy full beard. Ken Daneyko was the best at that look, and now it's really left to Jay Pandolfo, who manages to go from Lamoriello-approved clean-shaven to full-on, owls-living-it, salt-and-pepper beard overnight.

The all-time worst facial hair we ever saw on the Devils was Jeff Friesen in 2003. For most of the playoff run he looked like he was one of those guys who couldn't grow anything, then all of a sudden he showed up for a game with a gym-teacher-style moustache. After much discussion we decided it looked like he'd fallen asleep on the team plane and someone drew it on him with a permanent marker.

(Oh, and we're watching the Ducks game right now... Selanne TOTALLY looks like a skeevy sex offender!)

Meg said...

Ryan Miller also looked ridiculously awful last year with his ratty beard and long hair, especially during games when his hair was sweaty and stringy.

Ryan Miller's look last year reminded me of nothing so much as the homeless or Jesus game. Not terribly original I suppose, but that's pretty much the direction his beard went in.

And Mike Lynaugh's latest pictures give excellent views of the Sabres' mostly fairly sad attempts at beard growth.

lizzieb said...

I heartily support Brian Campbell's red beard - he looks more like Groundskeeper Willie every day. You've got to give him credit for letting it grow when he's fighting that hyperhydrosis, eh Heather?

CapsChick said...

Did anyone see Ron Wilson's scary goatee the other day? It looks great until the bottom, where it gets long and scruffy and dare I say, pirate-esque.

(What is it with me and pirates lately? Puzzling...)

Heather B. said...

I heartily support Brian Campbell's red beard - he looks more like Groundskeeper Willie every day. You've got to give him credit for letting it grow when he's fighting that hyperhydrosis, eh Heather?

:::giggling::: Well, lizzie, atleast his insurance covers it. Love the Groundskeeper Willie comparison.

Meg: Homeless or Jesus perfectly sums up Ryan's look last year, original or not.

KMS2 said...

haha, I completely forgot about Ryan Miller's look from last year. It was quite bad! I also forgot about the guys who have facial hair that is a different color than their regular hair (Sean O'Donnell is one of them) and the guys whose facial hair ages them because of the grey. I could go on and on and on!

Sasky said...

I'm loving me Ron Wilson's beard He's like the wayward pirate!

I remember... GIggy? Maybe Kippers beard? where he had to trip it because he couldn't get his helmet!

Steal Thunder said...

For some reason I feel a little odd posting on HLOG, but here goes...

I play net in a floor hockey league (and the occasional ice hockey game) in full equipment. I currently have a beard (long story which involves playoffs and mustaches) and it is definitely a wierd feeling to have a beard while wearing a goalie helmet (my league is full eqiupment). Whenever you move your jaw, the facial hair rubs up against the mask and it feels kinda funny. I'm not sure I can describe it aptly to you ladies, but its similar to when you run your hand along the back of a guy's head when he has short hair (or if any of you ladies ever had/ have short hair, that's what it feels like)...

And mine is probably most like Kipper's beard, with the red facial hair and everything...

Although my hockey season is almost over, so it will be disappearing soon...

Heather B. said...

See, I had always heard goalies didn't grow playoff beards because it changed the fit/feel of their equipment but it seems like most of the goalies this year are goind with the fuzzy look. I personally love it. I've been trying to get my husband to grow a playoff beard in support of the team but he won't go for it.

Steal Thunder said...

Uhm, why is Giguere clean shaven this post season?