Monday, December 11, 2006

Sexy's Back

The Flames -- boring, bland and the personality of cardboard. The Oilers? -- Yes, they have nice, overly excited fans, but clearly it's a case of compensation as there's really nothing there to be excited about. Buffalo? -- Ha! Call me when your team's able to grow decent facial hair!

No, girls and boys, the rest are clearly fluff and filler. I present the Senators ... fashionably late ... (I hope).

Note: Graphic intense! It's worth the trouble though.

Antoine Vermette.

(top photo from the files of this Sens fan, edited for size, hopefully she won't mind)

  • the mold, the David from which all other pale, Québcois imitations (i.e. Daniel Briere, supposedly; José Théodore, et. al) have sprung;
  • flawless, creamy skin;
  • heartwrenching smile ;
  • seems like the type to blush, if you know what I mean.

  • Daniel Alfredsson

  • "ravishingly beautiful";
  • Alfie in the cold at a Save-Our Sens Rally, when the Sens were endangered; Alfie taking the brunt of playoff criticism; Alfie being Alfie;
  • hauntingly gorgeous;
  • refined Swedishness (i.e. not the Beowulf-lookalike Peter Forsberg, who looks like he's just as likely to pillage your village as he is to kill a monster with his bare hands.)
  • golden, bronzed, Norse God.

  • Patrick Eaves

  • sexpot. sexpot. sexpot;
  • people will better catch on soon ... and take bigger photos of him... ;
  • "Sexy woman take me to your bedroom/ Let me show you how I work work work..." - DFA 1979 (RIP), Sexy Results.

    Dany Heatley

  • the eye; the dilated eye, that expands into the sort of assymmetrical beauty of top supermodels;
  • wild, busy curly hair, the sort of look that he got too old to pull off but you know he'd do it if he could;
  • raw animal magetism when he's on the ice, lip curled and eyes blazing.

    Jason Spezza

  • warm, easy grins and a sort of laughter that makes him easy to be around;
  • boyish, buyoant giggling and an easy manner;
  • frat-boy pretty;
  • has moments of quiet contemplation and determination that convince you he truly wants to be a good person.

    Ray Emery
  • physical perfection.
  • there was a photo out a while ago of Emery's smooth, sculpted, tattooed chest as he was getting ink done. Where has it gone?!

    Mike Fisher

    • piercing eyes -- flawlessly blue like the Hope Diamond
    • well-built, natural looking torso;
    • clean, fresh, trustworthy.

      Wade Redden

    • fig. 1-a: Redden's demonstration of how to mentally visualize undressing the viewer and make everyone nervous (and a little bit turned-on);
    • smouldering;
    • cheekbones of a Greek God.

      Anton Volchenkov

    • positively cherubic;
    • "hair-cut of a fourth-grader".

      Alas, the Senators' previous hot quotient has been diluted into the league. But since there are no Atlanta or Chicago fans, I will include them as Senators, because in their hearts, they know they truly are. (Also, I've noticed that people tend to like either Heatley or Havlat ... but not both. Being of the Heatley persuasion, this is also a diplomatic gesture.)

      Martin Havlat

    • skanky sexpot;
    • unwashen, unshaven, lumberjackesque charm;
    • appears to be filthy in bed.

      Marian Hossa

    • purely angelic.

    • Zdeno Chara

    • height of a giraffe, grace of a ballerina, teeth of a vagrant; hands of mercy!

      Jordi said...

      Oh dear sexpot - I'm attracted to dangerous men (and men I can't have)

      And you know there's something wrong with Heatley's face when you can only reveal tiny slivers of the eyes or smile :P.

      Sherry said...

      Boy am I ever glad you ended up doing this section. Nice job!

      Anonymous said...

      And you know there's something wrong with Heatley's face when you can only reveal tiny slivers of the eyes or smile :P.

      He's a pretty boy! I swear! I was just trying to emphasize his features. I just can't find a decent picture of him without a helmet, with the decent haircut that he now has.

      What, I guess you're a Havlat fan? :p

      Anonymous said...

      Sherry: Gotta represent. The Senators are beauteeful.

      Sherry said...
      This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
      Sherry said...

      He's not my type but just to further prove Havlat's hotness...

      Anonymous said...

      He shouldn't wear his hair like that ... who does he think he is, Tom Hanks?

      Heatley >>> Havlat. I will provide more photographic evidence. The Sens did the players in suits for their recent opening vids! I'll dig those up soon.

      Heather B. said...

      Very handsome team but Wade wins hands down. Hot, hot, hot! That second picture of him? Hot! Honor mention to Antoine who I've never really looked at that closely and Alfie. That first photo of him is very nice.

      You have noticed that Chara doesn't play for you anymore, right? :-)

      Anonymous said...

      You have noticed that Chara doesn't play for you anymore, right? :-)



      Jordi said...

      Yannow, Vermette always makes me think of that college arts student or rocker-who-shops-at-thrift-stores. Not sure if it's meant to be great or not.

      Heather said...

      You neglected to mention that Jason Spezza has an absolutely GREAT ass. It's as hard as a rock, that thing. Christ.

      Anonymous said...

      I don't know why I read these.

      hockeygirl said...

      AQG: This is my fave Heatley pic.

      shan: You're funny. Nice one liner. :)

      thehockeychick said...

      I've always been a Mike Fischer fan. Very yummy. Vermette, Redden and Spezza are certainly nice eye-candy, as well. Nice team. I'm jealous.

      Rebecca said...

      Oh my god Mike Fisher - just gorgeous. Seriously, I used to watch Sens games in Montreal and I remember being mesmerized by his eyes.

      And, you know, his personality. :)


      Anonymous said...

      AQG: This is my fave Heatley pic.

      Aww, but his eye isn't dilated in that picture.

      Yeah, Mikey's a pretty boy. Did you know he has a younger brother who looks almost exactly like him?

      Anonymous said...

      You neglected to mention that Jason Spezza has an absolutely GREAT ass. It's as hard as a rock, that thing. Christ.

      What? I didn't know that. Photographic proof! Anectodal proof is also welcome.

      Jordi said...

      I hereby declare everyone to pinch Spezza's ass when possible. We need some proof. Maybe it's a new place to put the puck. (what? The puck went up Pisani's pants and he's now a god)

      Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

      Is it wrong that I want to lick Mike Fischer now?

      margee said...

      I don't know what to say... I was reading this post, but I kept blacking out and waking up on the floor in a puddle of drool. (my beloved)Dany Heatley is surrounded by so many good-looking dudes. I think the Sens might take the cake on this one.

      And thanks to Jordi for pointing out how Vermette looks like an introspective college student. He looks like the prototype for every high school crush I ever had.

      aquietgirl, if you find those pictures of the Sens in suits, cities will crumble by the sonic boom of squees to follow. That said, hit it.

      Baby81 said...

      Marian Hossa and Zdeno Chara are HOTTT!!