I am not amused. Rink - 1, Jordi - 0

I want to apologise, in my tired as hell and horribly weary state, I have been a bad hockey fan. As a bad hockey fan, I turned my back on hockey for the sake of exams. I turned my back on hockey when real life was telling me to do things other than hockey. And I didn't come back because I have been so freaking busy. How busy? Well not so bad, but bad enough for me to sit back and not notice hockey waving a big banner of "WTF MATE?". (and the bitching thing is that the Habs are having great games when I'm not around. Should I just be a Leafs fan so I can keep those buggers at bay with my ability to infect things with suckiness?)

And in order to try to work hockey back in, I decided it was time hockey cashed in a debt with me. My past pledge to skate everytime the Habs won is slowly becoming reality. And by reality I mean that I have nine more sessions to go in order to catch up, not bad.

And possibly, this may show how busy I have been that I have to cram all this in one day.

Anyway it's been several months since I've skated, so I laced my babies up nervously. I even redid my laces in a way of telling myself "I don't know if I'm drunk enough for this". However as I took to the ice, a school class was enjoying themselves so I wasn't as terrible as I gripped the boards at first and also kicked them in fustration. (but not too hard since it's a shitty board and it might fall over and the RINK SUCKS).

The place looks ravaged by global warming, and by the end of three hours - everyone had to get off because everyone was falling. Whether it was fatigue or the ice was shit - I was more willing to blame the rink. However as I concentrated on not falling, I focused my attention on mouthing the lyrics to the songs on the sound system (first up: Kaiser Chiefs' Retirement). I got my grips to moving forwards in a somewhat confident manner while Christina Aguilera told me "good things come to those who wait" and fell down when Rhianna started singing Umbrella. Good news, falling down is no longer an ass plant or knees slamming the ground affair. I would trip and slowly skid to the ground, giving me plenty of time to scream "SON OF A BITCH!" or the ever popular "TOEPICK!".

I fell down on my knees as Timbaland told me the way he are, and eventually I did get the hang of it. And started trying to do little exercises I thought would help me. However to be honest, I still suck and blow like the Boston Bruins against the Habs (zing!) and I'm too terrified to try balancing all my weight on one foot. Though I do sometimes manage it if I'm in a good groove.

I did get hit by flashes of "I won't make itttt!!!!!" where I envisioned bloody carcasses all over the rink as I accidentally cause accident after another. But I did feel some rink rage as people held hands in groups of four and blocked my way. Or even just stand dead centre chatting - I mean omf people - get off the ice, get some coffee, don't make me hurt you because you guys make me anxious standing there like Sheldon Souray.

In a way, I may have made progress but I honestly don't know. It could actually be me being delusional and skating really isn't my thang. But it's fun. And saying this the day after, the only thing I wish I could get rid of is the muscle ache after - physical activity is not my friend.

Nonetheless the day ended with me piercing my ears (3 on each ear now, and not hurting at all really) and also a Muse concert. My verdict was if the NHL had their crew, hockey would so not be a minority sport with all the flashing lights and money.

And today I am tired. I can only lie my head and cry myself to sleep. But hockey is still there, even if my bruises hurt so bad I'm seriously doubting how long till I can skate circles around people.