Sunday, October 28, 2007

An Open Letter to Mike Modano

Dear Mike Modano,
It is to my understanding that you recently wed former pop-star and Dancing With the Stars alum, Willa Ford. Congratulations, I'm sure you'll be very happy together, with your millions of dollars and your ridiculous house (yeah, I saw MTV Cribs, what are you gonna do?). I'm not sure what she's doing these days, but give her my best wishes, would you?

Now that the the pleasantries are out of the way, I'm going to get harsh. What the hell is wrong with you lately? Allow me to explain why I am asking you this.

Recently (with a few exceptions), you look like you've been skating in mud. This is severely uncool, Mr. Modano. You are aware that at the beginning of the season, you were five points away from breaking a record. FIVE POINTS, Mr. Modano. While I did not expect this record to be broken in the first game, I DID expect it all to be taken care of by the end of October (it still could be, and it BETTER be, because I'm not paying to see you totally suck, okay?). You are the face of the Dallas Stars (despite my protests). You have been playing with this team since 1989. 1989, Mr. Modano. That is a damn long time.

Yes, I know you got your captaincy taken away for the 2006 season, but let's face it - Brenden Morrow is a better captain than you. Don't let your feelings be hurt, it's just the truth, okay? This doesn't mean you get to play like crap this season. Also, the fact that you're 37? Yeah, I don't care how old you are, I know you can do better. You know who else is 37? Sergei Zubov. Don't get me started on that crazy Russian, okay, because he's totally awesome and has been fantastic so far, skating like a dude ten years younger than him. YOU CAN DO THE SAME, RIGHT? Or are you spending too much time enjoying married life?

All I'm saying, Mr. Modano, is that I really want this record to be broken in the next three games, and not only because I will be in attendance for all of them. Even the Stars website is supporting you again. Before, it had "5 points to become the all-time American born points leader". Then that got taken away when it looked like you wouldn't score those 5 points until at least Christmas, and replaced with photos of, you guessed it, Brenden Morrow. After the Phoenix game last night, the countdown is back. MAKE IT GO AWAY AGAIN, PLEASE, but for BREAKING the record, okay? Because I'm still waiting for pictures of Marty Turco to show up.

Much love,


Sasky said...

One of my great hockey mates over here is completely stars (they're taking 4 months off her and her husband and spending it in dallas watching hockey) MAD.

She's even more Modano mad.

I'm kinda like I HOPE he scores just so i don't have to hear about it anymore

I kinda found Willa Ford, amusingly adorable because she made fun of MO!

Lucky13 said...

So bittersweet being a hockey fan, isn't it? Great post.

Tracy said...

So, this is obviously a story for you. After that horrible game in Phoenix (for me, not you) my friend met Turco at the hotel next to our arena and had him sign a Coyotes jersey for some ungodly reason. I get this text a while later, "He signed it then was like you will figure out who I am."

I asked what that was supposed to mean and he answered, "Well, I asked him who he was."

After I got over my shock all I could respond with was, "You asked Marty Turco who he was?"

I honestly thought everyone knew that face... my bad. Haha.

Bethany's response to this madness? "Is he crazy?"

Cat said...

sasky - Dude, I hope he scores so that I don't have to hear about it anymore, too. Like, COME ON, PLZ.

lucky13 - It's really sad sometimes, man. Thank you!

Tracy - Hahahahaha I love that someone asked Turco who he was. That is the most awesome thing ever. I can't stop giggling.