Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Steve Staios: awesomeness coming to a theatre near you.

I'm going to indulge in my Oiler fandom... again. So I was rasterbating (hee) the other day in my room while watching last season's Oiler/Red Wings game (otherwise known as, where Moreau punched himself in the brain). Nonetheless, as Moreau whimpered like a kitty, I realised that this guy was going to be one of the Alternates next season. Considering he played a slim amount of games last season, it's hard to see what he would do in a meltdown (unless it's to get injured and spend the rest of the season sipping cocktails on a beach).

Anyway, if Smith left (and he did), I always looked to Smyth as our backup (but that fucker left). I know you settle this kind of captaincy during training camp, but I wanted to do a pre-emptive. You don't have to agree with me here. I doubt most people would (though I did get some pats on the head and murmurs of "good girl!"). But I'm not the only one here thinking how awesome it would to have Staios as captain of the Oilers?

Some semi-reasonable reasons why Staios should be captain:

  • He's one of the only Ds (other than Tjarnqvist) to not have a shitty +/- rating. In my books, that's hot captain material - he was a bit injured this year BUT he played all 82 games last year.
  • Despite his shifty looks, he's 100% Canadian - hailing from Hamilton Ontario. Now if you want an all-Canadian hero, don't look any further than Staios. Or Pisani.
  • On that note, he is pretty foreign looking. And if you dig that, that itself is pretty hot.
  • Ethan Moreau shares the same last name as a Mighty Ducks Castmember. Next.
  • He knows Lex Luther!
    Okay so maybe Lex Luther likes to hijack NHL dressing rooms to take photos. Because I swear that guy's some Rangers fan or of some douchey team. But even he understands the greatness of Staios.
  • When I was watching this game, Staios was the first to save his buddy Moreau. Now wouldn't Staios save everyone else? Even Lupulshit and mutha fucking Comrie.
  • Of course Staios is a fucking diva. Maybe he and Roli could create an amazing team. In fact, why not start now?
  • He has his own website, it's even better than
  • Why would you want to deny this?
    So he's not an amazing D, nor is he ever going to beat Smith in my not so humble opinion. But fuck it, I know it when I'm on to something. And usually I'm wrong but who cares?


Steph said...

He will be right? :( Because I want it. HOW DARE THEY SPLIT UP HIM AND SMITH I'M STILL MAD.

Kirsten said...

This post made me laugh SO HARD.
I think Moreau is going to get the C, but Staios is definitely possible. I'm still in mourning for Smith.

"What kind of asshole do you think he is?" Fucking awesome.

Steph said...

I would be okay with Ethan...but some part of me just really wants it to be Staios that gets it. I don't know why! (Part of it might be that if you don't count Tarnstrom - and you shouldn't - he's the only D man left from the cup run right? Right? Well okay there might have been kids around I'm forgetting because I didn't know the Oilers that well then but he's the important one!)

Sigh. Gator :(

Jordi said...

Oh Moreau's a definite high possibility but let's not forget that he is still recovering from his injury. Who wants that? Plus Moreau is currently a third-liner probably, Staios is a #2 d-man. It's the food chain. Sure Moreau's been part of the Oil longer but Staios was drafted earlier.

Okay I'll just shut up now, I'm thinking too hard about it today.

That and I think our captain needs a moustache. Staios is le king of moustaches. Unless Todd Harvey comes back *sigh*.

Jordi said...

Oooh ooh and Staios HAS been captain before!