Thursday, May 17, 2007

Holy Grey's Anatomy Batman!

I think if you glean the front page of your sports section (provided you like in a Hockey-savvy town and it's not my sports section), you'll find the same old cliches: "CAN THE SENS WIN IT FOR THEIR COUNTRY?", "PRONGER LOL" or "HASEK: HIT OR HIP?" (by the way if you use the last one, I would like $200 in payment). The constantly beaten phrase, belted out like a cheap hooker, is "this is one of the most exciting playoffs we've seen in a while!" (Thankyou New Jersey).

However, I, Jordi, Montreal Canadiens fan - part time Oilers fan, will beg to differ. Yes I know the first thought is "Oh what do you know, your teams can't even make the top 8 in their conference and your Oilers traded away Captain Heart for a bag of crisps and that O'malley guy". But you know, you're always told that if you don't enjoy playoffs you're not a true hockey fan. My response? Well {admin expletive} you.

You have your guilty secrets, a team that you cheer on because yours buckled like a cheap mule. Well you know they don't really teach you the right teams to go for in hockey for dummies don'tya? All the teams that I had a shred of belief in (Islanders for Mr Smytty, Canucks for my Eurocrush and oh yes them Sharks because - CHEEECHOOOOOOOOOO) have come and gone. And who woulda thought? (put your damn hand down!)

Let me get to the crux of this short post. I am insanely, absolutely, bloody bored. You know I am this close to actually wanting to watch Maple Leafs Hockey or something equally ungodly if it included my Habitants or Oiler rejects. I want to see my Oilers! I *gasp* want to see Matt fricken Greene! Oh my god where the hell is Guillaume Latendresse? Sheldon "my name is Pylon hur hur" Souray? Am I the only one who freaked out and held a mini memorial service because Perezhogin pissed off back to Russia?

So I conclude, somewhat wary of the storm of angry hatemail (from all Wings, Ducks, Sens & Sabres fans) but still equally eager to say: Where is the hockey?

15 comments:

Bethany said...

I was sad Perezhogin was leaving only because his name makes me happy. Haha.

Schnookie said...

Jordi, I could not agree more. I have been ranting and raving about this in the secluded privacy of my own home, but have been afraid to anger the hockey firmament by mentioning in public that this playoff year has just been dreadfully dull. (And not just because the Devils lost, people...) There hasn't been a single really compelling storyline that doesn't hinge on "Who would have guessed [insert team name here] would have tanked like that?" Has there been a single series that anyone will remember past mid-June? Why can't this year's playoffs be more like last year's? It's bad enough to be staring down the barrel of the excruciatingly hockey-free off-season, but to add to it this strange, awful limbo stage of mind-numbing playoff doldrums? The Hockey Gods must be playing cruel tricks on us.

Meg said...

There hasn't been a single really compelling storyline that doesn't hinge on "Who would have guessed [insert team name here] would have tanked like that?"

It's mostly been a lot of "Series X is going to be great!" soon followed by the above. Mind you, as a Sabres fan I've been interested. Often in a sort of can't-take-my-eyes-off-the-car-accident way, but interested. If I was a fan of an uninvolved team though, I wouldn't be so happy with all the series that have been messed up but one team sucking badly.

And I feel like there is a lack of appropriate hatred in so many series this year. Probably as a result of all the lopsided series, but still...

Heather B. said...

So I conclude, somewhat wary of the storm of angry hatemail (from all Wings, Ducks, Sens & Sabres fans) but still equally eager to say: Where is the hockey?

I would say most Sabres fans have been wondering that too atleast until last night. Now the miracle comeback begins!

Jordi said...

Bethany: I bet he thought going back to Russia was funny too :(

And thanks Schnookie for the encouragement, I feel like a total traitor complaining about the total lack of hockey whether it was mainly because of my plain selfishness. But part of me is already counting down to October or looking at prospects eagerly to see what happens soon.

And I'm an underdog fan, I seem to struggle finding someone to cheer for - even if one team is considerd "stronger" than the others.

Meg, great point on the appropriate hatred thing. Though to me it's more of the ability of fans actually watching it like hockey fans. I mean where is the drunken outrage? The ability to reduce the series to just two contrasting sides? Now it's just "oh both are strong opponents Bob, etc etc ad nauseum"

KMS2 said...

I've been enjoying the playoffs because it means I get to watch hockey every day that a hockey game is on. During the regular season I am only able to watch hockey when my Kings are playing or VS is televising the late game, which is hardly ever.

One thing that I'm sure people (well, the media analysts) will be talking about post-playoffs is what some teams gave up to sign big name players in return for...a first round exit. Congrats to Atlanta, NYI, Nashville, and Pittsburgh. Well done! Anyone here think Tkachuk, Smyth, or Forsberg will remain with their respective teams? Roberts will probably stay with the Pens, but Laraque? yeah, he was a great pickup...

E said...

i completely empathize, ya jordi. after everyone telling me all season that this would be the best hockey of the year, so exciting, blah blah blah, the playoffs have been very dull- teams you'd expect to win, win, and everybody else just crumples up and blows away like two-day-old newspapers. and until this round, a lot of the games themselves were played so conservatively i felt like by the third period both teams would just leave the puck at center ice and wait behind their own blue lines for the other to do something. on the other hand, the i do think the sens-sabres series allows for some fun exercises in emplotment, and it's interesting to see the way the whole hockey-world shrinks and collapses in on itself as teams are eliminated.

i have mixed feelings about perezhogin going his own way. i hate to lose him, but he hasn't exactly had an easy process of adjustment to north american hockey and north american life, so i understand why going back to play in russia- for a whole heap more money- would be appealing to him. i wish him well.

does hlog have an expletive-deletion policy? that's sad.

Steph said...

You know, of course I'm still happily watching the playoffs because the Wings are still here, and sure those series' are interesting to me because I just still almost can't believe my boys are taking what everyone called a doomed season and turning it into a run like this (plus I get to make fun of Pronger, ha) but that thing that got said about any of this being series' to remember come mid-June is so true.

I mean sure, I'll be elated if the Wings pulled this off. But has any of this been nail-biting, cheer so hard you think you're dying over the rally, cry yourself to sleep and sulk around lost for days after a painful loss like the Oilers/Canes series from last year? Not a chance. And that's sad.

Jordi said...

Oh no there's no admin expletive deletion policy. But I've used all my Fs for the day.

Like my friend said, last season's playoffs pretty much rocked the casbah.

Shan said...

I'm with you Jordi, I'm just not into the postseason this year. Only watching bits and pieces. :(

Dear Lord Stanley said...

There's not a single decent underdog story this year. Two Finals series dominated by division winners just doesn't have the same kick that an unbeatable eighth seed did last year.

And besides, with the Avs not in it either, what the hell do I care?

leanne said...

I think part of the problem is that there haven't been any real momentum shifts in any of the playoffs to date - no real surprises.

Also, has anyone else noticed that there's an unusually small number of sweeps (only one so far) and Game 7s this year? I'm all over the Game 7s when they happen.

Also, I got distracted by the world hockey championships. In a way, they're more a sign of spring than the playoffs are.

Schnookie said...

Leanne, that's a really good point about the momentum shifts. It just seems there's been a dearth of compelling narrative this year. Or maybe it's actually every bit as interesting as the average playoff year, but it all pales in comparison to last year?

Paige said...

Haha, I love the article, but the whole reason I started reading it was because I wanted to find the part that talked about Grey's Anatomy... hehe.

Heather: This will be THE comeback of the century! Don't lose faith!

leanne said...

Hey Schnookie,

I wouldn't know really how exciting the playoffs were last year (travelling), but I know what you mean about "compelling."

Maybe with increased parity in the league there's no underdogs to root for. Look at the teams that made the semifinal - there's nobody who shouldn't be there based on how the regular season went.

Much has been made up here of how many Canadians are reacting to Ottawa's Cup run with a bit of a yawwwn. I think it's not because Ottawa is more hated than Calgary or Edmonton, but because they didn't really shock anybody in making it as far as they did. I know the year Calgary did it, making the playoffs at all was a pleasant surprise - and consequently the fans were much more excited about the entire thing than perhaps supporters of a perennial contender might have been.