Sunday, April 15, 2007

Live for Hockey: A Terrible Ad Campaign Brought to You By Margee

Jordi, the empress of all that is hlog has thrown down the gauntlet. In issuing a creative challenge to re-vamp the NHL ad campaign she's backed straight into my wheelhouse. Actually, my wheelhouse is filled with Saved By the Bell trivia, not a fun campaign to woo people to the sport. If the NHL had any sense of fun, any sense of history, and the lowest of low standards when it comes to cleverness and quality, this is what they could use. Call me, Gary!

#1: A boy and a girl are on a date, clearly into each other.

Girl: Yeah, well, I go to the gym, shop with my girlfriends, catch the odd Ranger game…
Boy: I’m sorry?
Girl: Oh yeah, I’m a big hockey fan. My family has season tickets at the Garden.
Boy: (turning away): Check, please!
Girl: What? Was it something I said?
Boy: Yeah it was something you said. You know what I’m going to say? 19-40! (claps five times) 19-40!
Girl (furious): Potvin sucks! (throws drink in his face)
Boy: (singing) If you know the Rangers suck, clap your hands! If you know the Rangers suck, 54 without a Cup...
FADE TO BLACK

Graphic: Live for Hockey.
Boy: If you know the Rangers suck clap your hands!


#2:
A man is on a job interview, he’s nervous.

Boss: What do you think you can bring to our company?
Guy: Well, sir, I’m really good at seeing things through. I guess you could say I’m no Ales Hemsky. I don’t whiff on the opportunity.
Boss: (looking a little red in the face): Or you’re no Kristian Huselius. You don’t quit on the play every other rush.
Guy: Yeah…(getting angry) I’m no flop, like Joffrey Lupul.
Boss: Or Jeff Friesen.
Guy: Let’s just say Chris Pronger wouldn’t run in the opposite direction if he was with me.
Boss: Get out of my office.
(Guy shoves everything off of the Boss’s desk and storms out)
FADE TO BLACK
Graphic: Live for Hockey.
Boss: Laverne, call security.


#3: Group of guys are standing around at a party, laughing

Dude #1: Nice one! (high-fives another guy)
Dude #2: I got one, I got one… How many Red Wings fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(silence as the other men glare)
Dude #2: None! They don’t have electricity in caves! Hahahahah… (more silence as the guy notices one of the dudes crack his knuckles)
Dude #3: (as the other guys set their beers down) We’ll give you time to Claude Lemeiux…
Dude #2: Thank you (drops out of sight as the group converges)
FADE TO BLACK
Graphic: Live for Hockey
(sounds of Dude #2 getting pummeled)



#4: A young boy is standing in front of his class giving an oral report

Randy: ...Abraham Lincoln was the greatest US president ever. You could say he was the Sidney Crosby of presidents…
Mrs Smith: I’m sorry, Randy, let me stop you there. You mean Alex Ovechkin of presidents, right?
Randy: No, Mrs Smith. I mean Sidney Crosby. He’s the greatest player in the NHL.
Child #2: Vinny Lecavalier is the greatest player in the NHL.
Child #3: Roberto Luongo!
Child #4: Peter Forsberg!
Child #5: If he's healthy...
Child #6: Martin Brodeur!
Child #7: Ryan Howard!
Mrs Smith: Ryan Howard is a baseball player. Go stand in the corner.
Child #8: My mom said Jaromir Jagr is the best player in the NHL.
Mrs Smith: Your mom is an alcoholic. Now, have a seat Randy. You get an F.
(Randy hangs his head and slinks away)
FADE TO BLACK
Mrs Smith: Now class, repeat after me “Alex Ovechkin is the greatest…”
Children: BrodeurCrosbyLuongo, etc. is the greatest…”
Graphic: Live for Hockey
Mrs Smith: I’ll see you all in detention.

17 comments:

Bethany said...

Haha...those were great!!

Anonymous said...

#4 was cute and funny! But why all the hate for Jagr? Change that part to Avery, maybe?

Margee said...

I figured a Caps fan might have a little animosity there...

Tapeleg said...

That is so damn funny! Love the first one, even though I'm not an Eastern fan, it's a great scene.

Rinslet said...

BRILLIANT!!

Jordi said...

Margee my man, well done. You get a gold star and a halfholiday at christmas.

Love them all, hear that kids? OVECHKIN!

Paige said...

Haha, they all made me laugh out loud.

Those are so darn funny, I can't compete.

Conor Cleary said...

hahah that was good :)

AnaheimDuckFan said...

Great job! Those were funny!

CapsChick said...

Love it. LOVE.

Oh, and the Jagr-hate? La piece de resistance. (Anonymous, I'd say Jagr-hate trumps Avery-hate any day!)

Call up the boys at the NHL, we have a new ad campaign!

Finny said...

hilarious. margee. you're effin brilliant. as always.

Anonymous said...

...You could say George W. Bush was the Philidelphia Flyers of presidents...

Anonymous said...

the last one was great...but george bush and the flyers please george bush didnt just suck for one year the flyers will be back

Jocelynn said...

Love them! Especially the classroom one.

Jordi said...

The Flyers don't deserve Bush :(

Margee said...

I wouldn't even wish W. on the Rangers.

Elly said...

Ahaha, those were great. I loved the last one, 'Go stand in the corner'.