Friday, January 05, 2007

Resolutions

2007 Resolutions for the Buffalo Sabres:

Henrik Tallinder - I will upgrade the metal plate in my arm by having adamantium installed on my entire skeleton just like Wolverine. I will not get hurt again this season because my team's penalty kill struggles way too much without me.

Derek Roy - I will keep working my ass off on the ice, but I will also work on holding my temper and taking dumb penalties when frustrated.

Maxim Afinogenov - I will continue to score goals, finally putting to rest the criticism that I can't finish. I do okay. I'll also win the Fastest Man at the skills competition in Dallas.

Brian Campbell - I will enjoy the hell out of my first All-Star game and get some much needed rest after carrying the defense during Tallinder's absence. I will cry when it's my turn to carry the Cup.

Marty Biron - I will continue to be my adorable, chatty, funny self even if it ends up making everyone in Buffalo really, really sad when I sign somewhere else in the off-season. Even though I wish I could play more I will keep coming to the rink every day with a big smile on my face and offer nothing but encouragement to my teammates.

Chris Drury - I will lift the Stanley Cup, allowing Buffalo to finally feel what it's like to be a winner. I will sign an extension with the Sabres. I'll retire a Sabre and be the franchise's Stevie Y when all is said and done. (Okay, some of that is more long-term...)

Daniel Briere - I will continue to be my sneaky, speedy, cocky little self, even if it's drives other people crazy. I will earn every cent of my five million dollars and I'll re-sign for that same amount before the season is over. I will try to grow a playoff beard but I will fail miserably at it again.

Power play participants - We will get our @#!$ together and start looking like a halfway decent powerplay again. We will shoot the mother-loving puck on the mother-loving net.

Tim Connolly - I will come back in early March, excited and rejuvenated, and I will kick every one's asses. I will shave my ridiculous facial hair and grow back my hair.

Paul Gaustad - I will continue to play with heart and passion even when the team isn't playing well. I will beat Ovechkin about the head if he touches le petit Briere again. Actually I will beat anyone who touches any of my boys.

Teppo Numminen - I will finally win my Stanley Cup and then retire after a long and productive career.

5 comments:

Objectionable Conduct said...

I so want a Marty Biron. He should sign in Western Canada so I can stalk him.

Jordi said...

No. Marty Biron is heading south-ish to Australia. We'll have lots of fun - without the rap.

I will try to grow a playoff beard but I will fail miserably at it again.

It's funny how people like Michael Peca would shave but get a damn shadow that afternoon.

Sherry said...

MARTY!

He was starting tonight in the game against Toronto. I get so excited whenever I see him...especially since he was pushing Mats Sundin after he decided to run into him. I LOVE YOU MARTY!

Heather B. said...

Jordi: Briere and Drury are a great contrast during the playoffs. Chris can have a thick, full beard by the end of the first game. Danny never gets anything more than a couple patches of fuzz on his chin.

Everyone else: I'm so glad Marty is so beloved. Really I had no idea people outside of Buffalo were even that familiar with him. Makes me happy that he'll probably be well-loved wherever he ends up next season.

Objectionable Conduct said...

I love Marty. Him beeking Eric Staal is PRICELESS. Not to mention the whole "Hey... hey Lindy?" thing. That's classic. I want one.