How to make me happy

Listen here, MLSE/Leaf team...

10. Very very important: Game cannot be on Leafs TV, so I can actually watch it.
9. Someone to watch with.
8. No pressing academic demands (otherwise, I have to study while I watch)
7. High scoring game (when I mentioned this to a friend, he told me to watch basketball instead).
6. Related to the point above, a goalie pull from the other end.
5. A home game, so they're cheering for the right side.
4. One of those group pile ups where someone gets shoved and the entire team erupts from the bench to help.
3. At least one goal by Stajan.
2. Ideally against a rival, but doesn't have to be.
1. Obviously, a win. Not much of an issue if 6 and 7 are fulfilled.