Thursday, January 18, 2007

Bruno Gervais: Long Island Lolita

My Islanders are sucking the proverbial fat one currently, so if you were to ask me who of the young non-phenoms on the roster deserves to head down to Dallas for the Young Stars Game to play with the likes of Evgeni Malkin, Jordan Staal, and other young people I don't feel like looking up, I would tell you that your mother would be better suited to go than any one of my boys. But that would make for an insulting, and otherwise boring entry into the hlog. So I choose young Quebecois defenseman, Bruno Gervais.

Why? you ask. Because "Bruno Gervais" is a kick-ass hockey name. It rolls off the tongue beautifully. The Bruno says, "Cross that blue line and I'll burn you." The Gervais says, "Je suis romantique." Together it's a recipe for success. His come-hither surname will lure a winger close, and then his tough-guy birth name will smack that winger down. Such is the dangerous seductiveness of his moniker. What, I ask, does Anze Kopitar say? You can't even pronounce it! Jordan Staal? Let's be honest, the extra 'a' in his last name is a little pretentious. Kari Lehtonen? That's a girl's name, buddy, you can't fool me.

However, in reality (a place I shun), Gervais is a poised, smart defender. He makes up for his lack of imposing size with speed and sound positioning. And he never stops charging the puck in the corners. Gervais is good. Probably behind Tom Poti as the Isles most consistent defender right now, despite one grievous mistake against those loathsome brats (aka New Jersey Devils) the other evening. Gervais is going to be a top defender soon, if my Spidy sense is up to snuff. Yes, the bigwigs (or big toupees as it were) at the NHL will rue the day they forgot about Bruno Gervais. Rue the day!

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