Thursday, November 02, 2006

Colour Coding Solves all of Life's Problems

...That and questionable amounts of alcohol.

My homeboy Ian Mendes [whom I love because he also grew up in Mississauga and managed to get the hell out of dodge] over at Sportsnet gave the Sens nation 12 reasons to not take the cyanide pill. He points out that in the '02-'03 season they were 3-4-1 in October and managed to rebound, winning the Presidents Trophy with 113 points. That season was also the closest they ever got to the Stanley Cup Finals. I also especially liked this point, if only for the timely "Saved by the Bell" reference:

I think [Joe Corvo] gets my vote for the best recovery from a foot injury since a young Lisa Turtle overcame a serious ankle injury to do "The Sprain" with Screetch at the Max.

For those of you who have been paying attention, sometimes those of us in Sens nation like to push the panic button prematurely. We do it to ourselves though, we're the ones with the confident swagger because everybody from Vegas to some sketchy guy in the alley thinks the Sens are definitely going to walk away with the cup. So, after hours of scientific testing and research based on a very sophisticated technique involving mass amounts of alcohol consumption and an Excel Spreadsheet, the "Senators Panic Meter" was born, colour-coded for both convenience and aesethic pleasure. I'd say right now we're in between the cloudy blue and the minty green. Lord help us if we ever reach Code Red.

Keep in mind the Panic Meter does not take into account any alcohol consumption you might do during games, lest I be held responsible for new livers you guys might need. Use responsibly!


k.le said...

I have to say, your description of panic happy Sens fans and their staunch belief in postseason success sounds an awful lot like...Leaf fans.

Perhaps we're not so different?

Earl Sleek said...

I think there should be a lot of drinks down at the bottom of that scale also, when things are going too well.

Lord knows I'm drinking a lot, and it's not because we fired our mascot.

Jordi said...

I think the bottom is only one drink since you can afford to shell out for expensive booze. The top has more since all you want to do is numb your pain with cheap alcohol.

hockeygirl said...

If that were the Flames meter, I would be moving up through yellow, dangerously close to orange.

Why didn't I think of turning to the drink?

Finny said...

"if you love me, you'd win"! ahahhahahah...rofl... that's seriously funny... because, I'd be liable to say such a thing.

Tapeleg said...

If that were an Avs scale, it would have little lines outside of the boxes connecting them to each other randomly.

I had a little worry meter for a bit that I stuck in my sidebar, that had swearing at the end., but ditched it in favor of the over-inflated sidebar I have now. This one is soooo much better.

Sherry said...

K.Le - The rumour is, that we might in fact be the same type of people, just completely blinded by our "patriotic" love for our teams.

Sleek - I would have added more for the bottom level but since we all drink at different levels, I wouldn't want to restrict anybody :P Do the Ducks have a mascot now? Or did Wild Wing get fired?

HG - The drink solves all problems!
And I've actually said that before during a game Finny, so you aren't alone.

Thanks TL :P I certainly think it's customizable and applicable to all teams, haha.

Jordi said...

You forgot the famous phrase that's used everywhere though: "The sky is falling"

Earl Sleek said...

Do the Ducks have a mascot now? Or did Wild Wing get fired?

I don't know, actually. We don't have a new mascot, and I heard Wild Wing is still under employment, but I haven't seen the poor guy.

I'll be in the cheap seats tonight, though, so I'll be sure to check it out.