SportSquee Investigates: HLOG

Things have been mighty hectic at SportSquee lately, if you could tell by the infrequent posting. Margee has about as much time to devote to SportSquee as she does to preaching the Book of Mormon. So what better filler than to have our investigative teams turn their eye in on Hockey's Ladies of Greatness. What we found out will scandalize you.

--Margee's grandfather was a Mexican revolutionary who had a brief affair with Agnetha Faltskog, inspiring the anthemic ABBA song, "Fernando."
--Jordi does not live in Australia. HLOG and Girls Don't Like Hockey are run out of her basement in Sniveling Green, Iowa where she is the acting sherriff.
--In accordance with McPhizzle's religious beliefs, the only music that may be played in her presence is that of Enrique Iglesias.
--Pookie and Schnookie are actually conjoined twins. They've never seen each other, as Schnookie is dangling out of Pookie's back.
--As an infant, HockeyGirl starred as "Mary," the eponymous baby in the classic "Three Men and a Baby." She still calls Steve Guttenberg for career advice from time to time.
--IslesChick purchases old Islanders jock straps on Ebay and has fashioned them into a hammock for her back yard.
--Finny and Cassie are both allergic to sunlight and surf wax.
--Kms2 once ran over the foot of Brian Burke with her car. She claims it was an accident. However, forsenics has since proven that she backed up over it again.
--Sherry once released a club single called "SherryBack." She has since filed a lawsuit against Justin Timberlake for copyright infringement.
--CapsChick sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber designed to refresh her hair nightly with what the salesman claimed was "an Ovechkin gloss."
--Sasky and Brittania once got into a bar fight with a group of football hooligans. Outnumbered 10 to 1, and employing only a pool cue and chafing dish, they came away with a decisive victory.
--Kristin holds the world record for fastest knuckle-cracking.
--Bethany was on hand for the opening of Euro Disney.
--Steph drinks up to 37 Wild Cherry Pepsi's daily.
--Objectionable Conduct has seen "Back to the Future" 34,678 times. She publishes a monthly newsletter in praise of the film. Teka is a subscriber.
--Tracy is first cousins with Jennifer Aniston. In fact, it was she who came up with "the Rachel" haircut.
--Shmee is an avid cigar smoker and has a walk-in humidor in her home.
--The Ellies once held a contest to see how many sour lemon Warheads they hold in their respective mouths at one time. They tied at 46.
--Heather B. is a past winner of the Price is Right Showcase Showdown. She took home a grill, two reclining love seats, a Tercel, and a green canoe.
--On a dare, Rinslet once ate a tin can.

x-posted to SportSquee

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Hockey World Scandalized as 20-Somethings Loud, Drunk at Bachelor Party

Former cover model Eric Staal and his younger brother Jordan Staal were arrested in Minnesota for being drunk and disorderly at Eric's bachelor party.

Young 20-somethings being loud at a bachelor party? I know, I'm just as shocked as you are:

Both brothers were charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing the legal process, while Jordan was also charged with consumption of alcohol while under 21 years of age. Eric's agent, Rick Curran, said he expected the misdemeanor charges to be reduced or dismissed.

According to a statement released by the Cook County Sheriff's office, after the Sheriff's office received complaints about "screaming, yelling and playing loud music," the group of about 20 was warned "multiple times" before it was ordered to leave the resort by Sheriff's deputies, a Minnesota State Patrol trooper and a U.S. Border Patrol agent at 3 a.m. Monday.

"After leaving the property, the group gathered on Highway 61 and began harassing passing motorists," the Sheriff's office said, at which point 14 members of the group were arrested at approximately 4 a.m. Eric Staal was one of 10 people to spend the night in jail.

I will admit that I'm easily scandalized and I have often been mistaken for a grandmother born in the '30s, rocking back and forth in my rocking chair in outdated pearls and a cardigan while I lecture to anybody who will listen about how the world is going to heck in a handbasket with the children's hippity-hop music and left-winged liberal ideals. But on a 'Clutch My Pearls' scale, this doesn't even rate a 'passing stroke'.

I did find it highly hilarious though, mostly because for some reason I can very easily picture Eric and Jordan Staal harrassing motorists with awkward, drunken white-boy dances off of some obscure road in rural Minnesota.

This just gives me more reason to love the league. The NBA has a dirty official, the NFL has two libraries full of player offenses, soccer (football) is a daily riot waiting to happen and hockey has boys being boys.

Update

Thanks to the NHL Fanhouse, their mugshots are also available for viewing:

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