Thursday, September 20, 2007

An open letter to hockey

Dear Hockey,

Welcome back! For a minute there, I thought you would be gone forever. I mean, when you hung out with Lockout and then started getting cold sores on your mouth, I thought we wouldnt see for a while. But you came back, and when you went on your break this year, time moved oh so slowly.

I really missed you Hockey. While you were gone, the world seemed to think I could possibly care about someone else, like Football. What a douche. He gets tons of money and media attention, but spends all his time getting arrested and torturing dogs. Obviously, Football has never been to Thunder Bay, Ontario. Nobody parties like the Dutch.

And then some slut named Soccer came along, like I would ever look sideways at her. Actually Hockey, I have to admit...I did look at her out of the corner of my eye. But only for a minute, and I started to get an itch down there when I did. Who knows where she has been...

But now you are back, and I can tell that poser Baseball to stop calling me. What's that, you heard that I was hanging out with Baseball? Well, I dont even want to dignify that with a response. And even if I was with Baseball, it was because I was lonely without you. Now that you are back, Baseball is out of my life and I will never have to look at those track marks on his arm again.

I'll see you this weekend Hockey.

XOXO,

Shmee

PS: The author admits, she does enjoy baseball, soccer and even football. But hockey is her number 1 man.

11 comments:

Kerriberry7228 said...

Too cute!

I flirted with baseball.

Football and soccor never stood a chance, though.

Kirsten said...

I flirted with baseball, specifically Justin Morneau. He's a hockey player, though, so it doesn't really count, right?

Elly said...

Ahh, Schmee, you crack me up. :)

(p.s. I just keep Baseball as my summer mistress. While Hockey's away, they never meet. It works out well for everyone)

Elly said...

And I just put an extra 'c' in your name for no reason at all, haha.

Jordi said...

OH NO YOU DINT SAY THAT ABOUT SOCCER. Soccer's my best friend! Oooooh we are going to take you out!

Teka said...

I sort of fondled Swimming for a while, but he's so uptight and slippery.

Hockey is my one true boyfriend.

Shan said...

This has to be THE hottest hlog post ever.

Shmee said...

Ha, thanks ladies!

Everybody has flirted with baseball, no shame in that.

Elly, after putting up with me for a weekend, you can call me anything you want.

Jordi: I actually do enjoy soccer, but hockey is my main man.

Teka: Just tell Jordi that...

Shan: Re-reading this post may cause cold sores to break out...

Tracy said...

I never flirted with baseball! I find it offensive that you say everyone... I am a good hockey wife. I stayed faithful through this long, hard, summer and I will be rewarded!! In your faces wanderers!!!

Jordi said...

Haha, you guys haven't met Rugby. He's chiseled and wow.

Isleschick said...

It's easy to have a summer mistress in baseball. :)