Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Oh boy, I have plenty - Part I

I've probably got plenty up my sleeve especially when I drift into the endless monotony of work and I give a guy extra change. Either way, I'll add some later so I don't just spam the whole hlog with lame ad concepts.

I do not imagine this sort of stuff at work… much.

Idea #1:

So it’s the continuation of that Crosby Gatorade commercial; the one where everyone mugs a sports store to play some roller hockey with Sid the Kid. He’s like running downhill smiling and all that until he realises “Shit, I’m gonna have to really think this through”.

So he’s dashing down the streets, running through the alleys and hopping over cars with great camera shots. He manages to keep his ball and stick somehow. And through all that, people are dropping off like flies.

First is the overweight fanbois cause there’s nothing funnier than the truth.

Second is like the wimpy little women wearing heels and maybe you know normal people and they’re thinking “Fuck this all for a game for roller hockey”.

So all that’s left is the squealing girls who love him and some of them are already stripping naked to get the ungodly ritual ready.

At this point, Sid the Kid is trying harder, cause we all know he doesn’t like women (in the sense that he cares about his career and all that – keep the head above the belt woman!).

And in the background Mellon Arena appears, so he starts heading there, he’s safe behind the glass there and he manages to get in. And he’s finally on the ice, the girls somehow can’t get in because you know – this is my ad and this is what happens. So he’s about to head off, but he’s suddenly mowed down by a Zamboni and it stops on his sad remains. Jordi gets off and she drunkenly stumbles away, a glass of cranberry wodka in her hands.

The words then appear:

“Buzz Driving is Drunk Driving”


Idea #2:

[Guy in a cap and dark shades is standing in the rental store for hours; the clerk starts to take notice]

Clerk: Hey would you like any help with your choices?

Guy: Ah, no. I’m just leaving.

Clerk: Wait a minute… You’re Sidney Crosby! Hey! I love you man! Lemme give you this one for free!

[Grabs the videos out of Crosby’s hands]

Clerk: So will it just be the… “Big Girls Gone Wild?”


[Outside a car horn sounds and Jordan Staal pokes his head out]

Staal: Come on man! The other guys are waiting!

[Queue NHL words “NHL Players are just like you and me”]

Crosby: Well… umm… [Dives and clutches his face] OOOHHH AHHHH!!!

[Except they’re good at hockey?]


Elly said...

Sigh. All this Sidney-hate.

I gotta admit, I just about died reading those. Haha, Jordan Staal in the car...

Interchangeable Parts said...

That was just too funny! Even with the Sidney-hate...

Rinslet said...


Jordi said...

Hey, he's the poster boy - he's gotta do the crime.

Though I doubt Gatorade or Mothers Against Drink Driving are going to be pleased with my idea for them.

Paige said...

Haha... I would die if they ever showed those on television.

ESPECIALLY if it was on Versus or NBC, because they love him so.

Ellie said...

too funny jordi : )

Anonymous said...

Love the ideas, but I think it is worth pointing out that the Gatorade commercial features road hockey, not roller hockey. Road hockey may be even more ingrained in the Canadian psyche than ice hockey -- for this reason the Mellon Arena scene at the end probably doesn't work. I think it would have to be a Canadian rink to ring true.

Jordi said...

okay anonymous, How about he gets shot in the first scene - that way we don't have that arena mumbojumbo to worry us.


Steph said...

Oh Jordi, I do so love you.

But I think you should commercial-ize Cowboy Oilers now, too. Hmmm...

The Acid Queen said...

OK, when I got to the bit about Jordan Staal, I fell down laughing.

And pike the anony-commenter, the roller hockey ad idea was funny.