Monday, April 23, 2007

I like to make fictional commercials - Part II

I was stuck at a bus stop one day, and I had to walk 1 hour and a half in the dark home. Okay, that was today. Shut up. I was thinking of these ones and I thought that my vivid imagination needed to be put to use.

First if you have not seen the Stoll asspat on Dvorak take 7 seconds to look at it. Now that I have established the background, let me present Idea #3:

The scene starts with the background music of The Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive", Stollie's strolling down in a sort of glamorous way with shiny too-tight disco pants. Girls flip their heads around and check out the tushy. Men peer in a "I could do better if I had more one-on-one with the thighmaster" way. While that happens, little accidents are happening - bottles and glasses falling off cafe tables and whatnot. Stoll grabs them as they fall and puts them back on without breaking his stride. So it's been a bit in, and then he stops at a crossroad, Rachel Hunter is waving at him on the other side of the road. He looks at the other side of the other road and it's D-Vo waving at him. Stoll and D-Vo start skipping across the road for each other and WOOMPH - Dvorak's hit by a HUMMER. A small "I'm fine!" (you know so the NHL don't sue us) informs us of the survival rate of Dvorak and Pronger sticks his head out and looks at the mess. He then goes "shit" and puts his cell back to his ear with a "Honey? I'll uh ring you later."

The words then appear: "The Real Reason Pronger left Edmonton (and to a lesser extent, Dvorak)"

"Commercial not endorsed by certain NHL members"

Idea #4 - less offensive and more awesome:
Scene: Press Conference of Regier and Ruff and they're all discussing trade options just before the deadline.

Ruff: Of course we'll never trade Biron, he's an important member of the team. Right Marty?


Scene: Marty in full goalie gear is following a yellow brick road and a thin maple syrup trickle. Marty looks up, camera follows and a roadside sign reveals: "Welcome to Philly, city of brotherly love! Oh, and, the Flyers. Everything else is just frippery". Along with it is a huge mansion made of waffles and drenched in maple syrup. Biron just stares in total awe, and slowly continues to walk into the mansion. In the background plays Willy Wonka's Candyman song. (not the Christina Aguilera song silly).

[Insert inane NHL slogan aka "The NHL! We don't just punch people anymore!"]


Elly said...

You have no idea the mental pain you've just caused me. Wow.

I'd REALLY love to find a place made of waffles...IHOP is the closest I've come. Sigh. I really can see Stoli in tight disco clothes, for the record.

Steph said...

Oh....oh Jordi. I don't quite know how you have done it, but you have somehow smashed together about three Oily inside jokes there is no way you would know into one lump of amazingness and I love you.

ELLY. Come visit and I'll take you to Wafflehouse!