Nerd Alert: Tolkien References Ahead!

What is your favorite thing about hockey?

My favorite thing about hockey it is such a simple game. It looks like a ballet sometimes with blind passes, spinneramas, sliding moves. They way each player always seems to know where his teammate is makes it seem highly choreographed and controlled. A double play in baseball, for instance, is a ballet. It's been practiced and perfected. Every play in football is its own ballet. Every teammate knows the other's choreography and the steps have been carefully laid out. But in hockey, despite appearances, the players are running on instinct out there, which is doubly impressive. You can practice plays all you want, but in hockey, things evolve on the ice (as we learned in Team USA's diastrous use of the Flying V against Iceland in D2). That urgency and of-the-momentness make it so easy to follow. And the creativity that springs forth from that fact make it the most exciting game to watch.

What is your least favorite thing about hockey?

Gary Bettman. I understand that having his precious ring stolen from him by Bilbo Baggins was very traumatic, but that's no reason to take it out on the NHL. Bettman's indifference to growing the league is beyond startling. It borders on manic. I have stories, trust me. But even people who don't have day-today dealing the the NHL, the fans for instance, can see that there is frighteningly little-to-no marketing for the NHL. They should be carpet-bombing North America with advertisements. They should be plastering the side of every bus, billboarding every highway, and shoving commercials down our throats in 24, Lost, and CSI: Regular/Diet/Caffeine Free. The NHL needs to show the world that this is a beautiful game. And it's easy to follow, to boot. The game is never going to grow with this man at the helm. He needs to go back to chasing those tricksy hobbits in Mordor. The NHL has to wise up and get someone from the AFL or NASCAR to start the market stauration. Both of those organizations were primordial soup before their savvy marketing schemes. The NHL needs a shot of that. Pronto.