Monday, January 08, 2007

#1 Resolution - For Huet to never ever touch, see, or think about Paris Hilton

Nothing good will ever come out of sleeping with Paris!
So may the fans continue to cheer for you and may you never drop off as a crappy goalie.

David Aebsicher, on the other hand may have to start looking for houses in other areas. He's tasty trade bait and while I keep a soft spot for this Swiss goalie he just has tough competition against Huet. Plus we really need that fabled bag of pucks for our 2nd line center.

Oh and by the way Jose Theodore will one day get his fans to pronounce his name right instead of wrongly shouting "BOOOOOOOOO".

Steve Begin would like to go back to school and as well pick out a new toupee for his alarming lack of hair.

Thomas (the tank engine!) Plekanec wishes to thank all his fans for sending him turtleneck sweaters for Christmas and would like to continuously receive more. That and his old ones are a little too tight and cuts off the circulation to his brain.

Radek Bonk needs a fucking shave
. I mean seriously, get a razor man! You can't afford any on your salary? And careful with taking those pucks man, you play gritty but we don't want you decapitated.

Saku Koivu wishes to learn French - sometime.

Mikey Komisarek wants to continue his yoga with his buddy Chris Higgins. They will braid each other's hair and paint their nails. Then they will go out and bust some hockey ass - Komisarek possibly putting several in a coma.

Aaron Downey wishes to get that brain check some day. Jesus man lay off the drugs.

Alexander Perezhogin needs to keep his trap shut so Habs fans will stop calling for his head over his comments on Guilluame Latendresse - who by the way wishes to earn his keep as the darling of the Montreal Canadiens.

Guy Carbonneau
on the other hand wishes to get a stress free team - oh and maybe a Cup.

Alexei Kovalev will one day drive his plane into Bettman's house - therefore righting hockey order once again.

Le Petit Briere to keep earning every single cent of his money. He as well should write a book or produce his new product which keeps his face baby smooth and free of blemishes.

Marty Biron wants to have the mic a little more often. He busts out some totally fresh rhymes. Additionally, he wishes to keep part of his backup goaltender deal to be forever cemented as the funniest French-Canadian backup goaltender in history. That and he wants to go to Australia.

Sidney Crosby wants to get the (bleep) out of Mari Lemieux's house.

Ales Hemsky wants a new roster photo - without his sad schoolboy beaten up look.

Dwayne Roloson still wants Ted Saskin's head on a stick.

Lastly, Sergei Samsonov wishes to score some points and will one day understand that when things seem bleak and rough - there will be always one girl who will shout your name (and not in the moments you think you dirty bastard - get your mind out of the gutter!).


E said...

hooray for funny posts after ugly weekends...

1. you know, i used to be really annoyed by plekanec's whole turtle-neck thing, but over time i've grown to appreciate it.

2. i think bonk does try to shave, but it's a losing battle, because he'll just look all scruffy again after 5 minutes. i'm terrified of what his playoff beard will turn into, if we go far this year.

3. no coma! please please please let komisarek never put anyone in a coma, even those who really deserve it, because then i'd have to feel all guilty for how much i enjoy watching him play whack-a-mole with the other team. plus, he'd probably feel all guilty too, and that would doubtless disrupt his yoga practice, and maybe higgins' too, and then everything would just fall apart.

Shan said...

I have a friend who saw Paris Hilton and quickly asked her about Theodore. "Who?" she asked. "The Montreal goalie!" She just laughed and walked away.

Sherry said...

I think you'd have to protect Huet against Paris since he is from France and might get the two confused.

Finny said...

gasp, gasp, guffaw, gasp, gasp

Sidney Crosby does NOT cuss. (of course he probably does... I just like thinking of him as some young, wholesome boy who is the poster child for good Canadian boys... and you know, he's my hook for when I convince young teen girls like my cousin to watch the game ahhaha... I got my cousin liking the Ducks soley because, quote, "Penner and Shane are hot and I hate the Oilers." yes... excellent work, Finny... hahah... I made he watch playoffs... which explains Oiler-hating)


And you know, I didn't hear the Huet/Paris thing - what did I miss? Hahaha...

Jordi said...

e: Probably the best thing I've thought from the turtlenecks is "this could be awesome merchandising".

I'm sure it wont be a coma from hits - just like "LOOK THERE'S KOMI - We need to fall down and pretend we're hurt so he wont come over!"

shan: It's been a long time since she's thought of breaking his heart.

Finny: Nothing reall happened, he was just caught in the trashy tabloids holding her hand and talking intimately etc. Wife wasn't happy etc.

Sherry said...

Actually, I think that was Paris and Theodore :P

Objectionable Conduct said...

Nothing really happened between Jose and Paris... umm sure. That's why it made news on and why hockey players were telling ME about it before I knew.